Saturday, November 18, 2006

Won't someone think of our sides?

You may still be suffering delusions and tremors if you caught any of Children In Need last night. The highlight - and that's a word we use only so you can hear the hollow ring on "highlight", sounding out like the Big Ben bell - would have been the cast of Holby City doing Madonna's Hung Up. Shorn of its overproduction, it did make it clear just what a weak lyric the thing has (Maddy really does do a timecheck at one point - a quarter to two - purely so she has a rhyme for "hung up on you". And "ring ring ring goes the telephone" - was this co-written by the Flumps?) but the bizarre acto-flotsam who've washed up in the series was almost enough to distract you. Jesus and Roland Rivron? Bloody hell.

And let's not even pretend we understood the How Clean Is Your House Gig bit: we know it was for charity and a bit of fun, but unless Status Quo colour in their bed with felt-tip, it was so staged as to be pointless.

We didn't see, we don't think, the cast of Two Pints Of Lager and A Packet Of Razorblades Hidden In Their Crisps "doing" Club Tropicana, as we started to swig neat whiskey round about the time they made Will Mellor and Ralf Little remove their clothes and have Michelle Dewberry from The Apprentice and Scott Mills rubbing fake tan into them.

Every BBC employee will have added Scott Mills to their hatelist after - over on BBC Three's Celebrity Scissorhands - he got the option to shave Mark Thompson's beard, and did so without a single nick, never mind an open blade to his throat and a snarling "don't offshore those people's jobs, Thompson, if you know what's good for you."

It was lovely to see Steve Strange hold his hands steady enough to break a Guiness Record for most heads shaved in an hour. Oh, Norris McWhirter, that you were alive at this hour...

One charity night finishes only for the next to wash into view, of course: and who could fail to cancel all their plans for February at the news that Matt Lucas and Peter Kay are teaming up to cover The Proclaimers' 500 Miles in aid of Comic Relief.


Sov sobs, sods off

Lady Sovereign had a bad night of it last Wednesday, trying to struggle through a performance despite doctor's advice to rest. She tried, though, dammit, she tried:

“She then left the stage abruptly a few times. She tried going through her songs 9 to 5 and Blah Blah but stopped in the middle of both.

“She then completely broke down, bawling hysterically and falling to the ground. They practically dragged her off the stage as the crowd went insane. She never came back.”


Sometimes, you're better off just taking to your bed with a lemsip.


Dave Gahan: "Where's the respect?"

Ooh, it must be tough being Dave Gahan. Simply because Depeche Mode spent years making highly-poppy synth-driven tunes, then discovered s&m and spent the following years suggesting their early stuff was pissweak, before releasing it on a best-of anyway and disappearing via the local dealers' patch up their own arses, then returning with an - admittedly excellent - album and yet another rounding-up of their early stuff, nobody gives them any respect:

“I don’t get it. We’re a band that has come out of England, lasted and done well. But no one seems to notice and it does hurt.

“It’s a struggle here to get recognition for what we’ve achieved. We’re that oddball band that people don’t know how to categorise. We don’t fit the rock category and are not pop.”


It's a fair point - ver Mode are something of a handy whipping boy for the critics. But then... don't you boys like that sort of thing?


Heather Mills wasn't in it for the money

Heather Mills has insisted that she didn't marry Paul McCartney for his money, and can prove it. She told Extra that she can't be greedy, because she does a lot of good work for charity:

“I fell in love for the right reasons. I fell in love unconditionally.

“Eighty-five per cent of my income goes to my charity. The word gold digger doesn’t go with that.

“If I was a gold digger, I would have a lot of money in my bank account. I’d be worth millions and millions.

“I’m a good mother, I’m a good person.”


Actually, Heather, if you were a gold digger, you wouldn't have the millions in your account until the divorce goes through. And saying "I don't have hardly anything in my bank account" is hardly proof of anything much at all. You could, of course, prove those who think that you're a gold digger by, erm, refusing to accept a penny of your ex-husband's money. It really is that simple.

Of course, it'd be an expensive way to prove the point; and, after all, if people think you're a gold-digger, having a few millions might take the sting away somewhat, don't you think?


RandBobit: Ruth Brown

The death has been announced of Ruth Brown, one of the first inspirational voices of R&B who became a thorn in the music industry's side.

Known both as "the girl with a tear in her voice" and "Miss Rhythm", Brown was born in Portsmouth, Virginia in 1928; like many of her background, her first public performances were in church, and then around local army bases. It was her militaryfanbases who scraped together the railfare to allow her to attend a talent show in Harlem, and that win at the Harlem Apollo led to a role in Lucky Millinder's big band.

A backstage meeting with Billie Holiday persuaded Brown to develop something beyond her original half-Holiday approach:

"She was standing there and I went to go by her and she could tell my eyes were just welled up," Brown recalls. "She said, 'Let me tell you something. You've got a good voice. Find out who you are, because as long as you go out and sound like that, they're going to call my name,and they'll never remember yours.'"

While touring, she was spotted by a DC DJ. He knew some people establishing a new record business; he effected an introduction, although a car accident meant it took a year before Brown would be able to take full advantage of the offer.

With her legs still in traction, Ahmet Ertegun and Herb Abramson signed her to their Atlantic Records label. She rewarded them with So Long - the second in what was to be a long run of hit singles for Atlantic, which would come to be known as "The house that Ruth built." She then hit her stride, developing a sassy R&B style which would see her dominate the R&B charts for much of the 1950s and frequently visit the main listings as that most valuable of commodities, a crossover artist.

Her fame, though, didn't count for much in the South in the 1950s. During a national tour with Charles Brown (no relation), a Mississippi gas station attendant refused to allow Ruth to use the toilets - they were for white customers; told they didn't want the gas if they couldn't pee, a situation developed which started to look nasty, as Ruth recalled later:

"They said, 'Oh, you gonna take this gas,' 'cause they had the hose in the back of the car." Charles peeled out, and within minutes, the Fleetwood was surrounded by police cars.

"We thought they might lynch us 'cause we was in Mississippi," Ruth says. "I don't know how we got away except that Charles's grandfather,who was traveling with us, got out of that car and walked around in back and stayed with these officers about ten minutes. We were inside, nervous and scared to death. And when he came back and got in the car he said, 'Okay, let's go.' To this day, we don't know what his grandfather said or did to get us out of that. Charles and I thought we were goners that day."


You can hear her influence on most of the next two decades female singers, from Aretha to Etta; even Little Richard acknowledged that he'd based his vocalstylings on those of Brown. And although she had no formal training, she had a natural ear for music - Dizzy Gillespie observing that " Ruth Brown could hear a rat wee on cotton."

A change in label led to a slump in fortunes, and the 1960s weren't kind to Brown. A 1963 marriage to policeman Bill Blunt ended in divorce - he'd refused to allow her to perform during the marriage - and, broke, and with a child to support, Brown enquired about outstanding royalties from Atlantic. A cheque for $1000 arrived in the post, which was to be the last she'd see of any earnings for twenty years.

While Atlantic continued to do nicely from her recordings, Brown was scraping a living however she could:

"I did nine-to-fives. I washed dishes. I drove a school bus. I cleaned houses. Yes ma'am."

She still sang - at church, at small clubs for little or nothing - but her star wouldn't be revived activist Ann Sneed - buoyed by funding from the National Endowment For The Arts - brought her back under the auspices of International Art of Jazz.

Performing again, but still doing menial work, Brown contacted Atlantic once more to ask if she might not be owed some cash by them. On the contrary, she was told, you owe us monies unpaid from the 1950s. Shamefully, Atlantic continued to lie and stonewall.

An old friend from the 1950s, Red Foxx, repaid Browns' kindness to him the past (she'd helped him with money when he had none; now he came to her aid.) Riding high in the USSteptoe remake Sanford and Son, he got Brown work in the series, and cast her as Mahalia Jackson in his stage musical Selma. It provided a base from which Brown was able to start to rebuild her career, although this comeback was nearly thrown off course after she was the victim of some brutal domestic violence meted out by partner Earl Swanson.

Another survival; another summoning of strength.

Invited to sign some albums backstage after a Washington gig, Brown was surprised to see records she'd never even heard of. Pointing out that she'd never earned a cent from these titles, Brown signed anyway. She was lucky, though, that the autographs had been requested by Howell Begle, an entertainment lawyer. He took on her case, and that of others who had been conned by Atlantic into signing away rights, and threatened with large bills for "unpaid expenses" when they dared to ask about recompense. After a long battle with Atlantic, and then with Time Warner when they bought the company, Brown would eventually win a back payment of $30,000; thirty-five other artists also got the money they'd been owed for thirty years and a shamed Time Warner were bounced into reluctantly endowing the Rhythm and Blues Foundation. (The next time record labels talk about how they "support artists", try picturing the pile of records lost to the world because Atlantic kept R&B singers in poverty, cleaning rooms to live when they should have been making music.)

Brown won Grammys, Tonys and - in 1993 - an induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Her citation in the Hall of Fame records her musical achievements; it oddly finds no space for the arguably more significant work she and Begle did in calling record companies to account.

Ruth Brown died from a stroke. She was 78.


Hudson no longer for the Crowes

The always slightly unexpected pairing of Chris Robinson from the Black Crowes (apparently Primal Scream didn't just make them up to make themselves seem better, then) and Kate Hudson has come to a formal end: divorce papers have been filed.


New large out-of-court settlement request

The increasingly belligerent Universal music has launched a legal action against Rupert Murdoch's MySpace. Not his specific one ("interests: using monopoly power to pervert markets and subvert democracy; boogieboarding; international travel") but the company which he recently acquired. Universal want money for all the unapproved sharing going on.

Having recently successfully shaken down Bill Gates to get a buck every time some schmuck buys a Zune, and done a deal with Google to cover YouTube, Universal is obviously feeling a little unstoppable right now:

Universal's lawsuit, lodged in a US district court, claims that MySpace "encourages, facilitates and participates in the unauthorised reproduction, adaptation, distribution and public performance".

In a statement it added: "Our music and videos play a key role in building the communities that have created hundreds of millions of dollars of value for the owners of MySpace.


"Our goal is not to inhibit the creation of these communities, but to ensure that our rights and those of our artists are recognised."



There are also plans to sue USMail, on the grounds that there must be some postal workers who sometimes whistle, and when they sometimes whistle, they might whistle Universal-owned tunes.


I think we're nine stone now

We're not entirely sure the US network have got the point of Celebrity Fit Club - it's meant, of course, to be Fat Club, only with a letter changed to protect the fragile egos of the slightly overweight celebs. But the American line-up for the next season includes Tiffany and Warren G - neither of whom have exactly let themselves go; indeed, we understand from Playboy "required very little airbrushing" when she spread herself over its centres not so long ago.


Friday, November 17, 2006

Gennaro Castaldo watch: Acts of war

On Monday, as you're doubtless aware, U2 and Oasis complete their respective record company contracts by releasing a bunch of old songs and pretending it's a new album. This, of course, has journalists dreaming of trying to bark up another Blur-Oasis type chart battle, despite the fact nobody much cares about this sort of thing when it's albums.

Still, the retailers are happy for any bone they're thrown these days, as Gennaro Castaldo explains his plans to the Guardian:

"We're going to have enormous images of U2 and Oasis on each side of the door when you walk into our shops," reveals Gennaro Castaldo, HMV's head of publicity. "It will look like a proper face-off."

Nothing says "enter my store" like having to make your way past an enormous Bono cut-out.

Where does all this money to spend on cardboard Gallaghers come from? In part, revealed the Sunday Times last weekend, by charging Irish customers up to 35% more than UK consumers for the same record. Castaldo came in to try and make the gouged Irish customers feel less like dupes who were being raped every time they buy an album from HMV. After all, there's bound to be a clear, understandable reason, eh, Gennaro?:

Gennaro Castaldo, HMV’s head of PR, said the new UK pricing structure may be extended to Irish stores some time next year. “It is contingent on having a dialogue with our suppliers because, ultimately, they have got to be able to give us different pricing so that we can pass that on to our customers.

“These things have to be done piecemeal because it’s quite an undertaking to do it everywhere at the same time, and there are different suppliers in Ireland.”

“I’m not saying it’s definitely happening,” added Castaldo, “but it is something we want to do. Our aim is to be as keenly priced in Ireland as can be.”


Ah... as you pay a quarter more for your copy of Amy Winehouse's album in Dublin than you would if you bought it in Belfast, you'll appreciate it's only contingent on dialoguing with suppliers.

We don't want to accuse Castaldo of spouting out his ass, but this is just flim-flam. If HMV told the distributors that they're going to order all their CDs for the British Isles in one go, then everyone could enjoy the slightly fairer prices. What, are HMV afraid that Universal will refuse to supply them at all? Castaldo does nothing to dispel the sense that HMV are doing rather nicely out of this segmentation of the market, and the "ooh, we really want to not rip off the Irish" hardly smacks of a company determined to sort things out.


Skip back to the start

Apparently, the second Futureheads album was a flop - although I suppose it depends on what you were expecting it do. But certainly, the band felt it underperformed, says Barry Hyde:

"We were disappointed with what happened with our second album.

"We were absolutely ecstatic when we made it. We thought everyone was going to like it and that everyone would just accept the change and the progression.

"But it seems people weren't expecting it. They expected it to be a lot higher tempo and not as melancholic, as some songs are.

"But we made an album we wanted to do. We are dead proud of it and nothing will change that."


So... what next, then, Barry?

"What we are craving is to make a hard album. We are going back to punk gymnastics. I want to write Led Zep-style tunes with monster riffs."

So... the second album was a progression, which nobody much cared for. Which would mean that the third is a regression, right?

[Plug: Surprise someone this Christmas by buying News and Tributes. The Futureheads, probably, will be most surprised]


The shopman and the showman

Poor old Philip Green: he opened Top Shop late for Michael Jackson, and how did Jacko repay him? With snubbery. Jacko was in his car. Green was stopped by security:

"Fucking let me through. I organised the event."

But security replied: "Michael says there is no room in the car. Sorry."


If you'd organised the World Music Awards, you'd be better off not shouting about it, we'd have thought.


Where does Victoria Newton find her stories?

Earlier this week, an anonymous commenter pointed out one of Victoria Newton's scoops was a cut-and-paste from the Observer Music Monthly.

Today, Newton is reporting that Amy Winehouse is talking with Pete Doherty about a duet - which will be news to everyone except, erm, anyone who watched last night's Never Mind The Buzzcocks (or "Could Bill Bailey Look Any More Uncomfortable" as it's now also known.)


Robbie Williams is not filling the role of a tall, dark handsom stranger

Every year, police and council officials in Edinburgh worry about how they'll cope with the numbers who turn up for Hogmanay. We'd like to think the invitation to Robbie Williams to join the Pet Shop Boys during their New Year appearance was a bid to persuade people they'd be better off staying at home, but, being realistic, the chances are the vague prospect of seeing Williams looning about will only drag more people onto the streets.

Didn't he cancel chunks of his tour because he was so exhausted?


What yo-odo-lod-odol-ie-oo waiting for

Justin Timberlake took it upon himself to bring sexy back.

Never one to shirk a challenge, Gwen Stefani is bringing yodelling back.

Surely now, more than ever, it's time for the Frank Ifield revival?


Thursday, November 16, 2006

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the lilypond...

We'd thought that the people who'd paid for the rights to the Crazy Frog had accepted that they'd milked the craze for all they were going to get.

But, oh no. It's back with a Christmas record, like Cliff Richard only with a strange, stumpy penis which serves no apparent purpose at all.

A PR puff lands in our inbox:

The single comes just in the nick of time during the run-up to the festive season and coincides with George Michael's newly released greatest hits album "Twenty Five".

What a lucky coincidence it is that the Christmas single appears "during the run-up to the festive season", rather than, say, June.

Although George recently missed hitting the Top 10 this week with his latest single "This is Not Real Love" featuring Sugarbabes’ Mutya (it entered the UK singles chart at #15),Crazy Frog's version of'Last Christmas' is likely to get George into the UK Top 10 this Christmas.

We're sure that'll come as a great comfort to George, and not be the sort of tribute which pushes him out to his car with a large bottle of GHB.

There's a half-arsed video too, of course:

The video for Crazy Frog's version of 'Last Christmas' begins when Santa's workshop has been overtaken by evil characters that abduct the jolly bearded one and put him behind bars while they manufacture fake Crazy Frog replica dolls into Christmas presents. To make the toys, the evil ones must obtain blueprints of Crazy Frog. They lure him into Santa's workshop where they attempt to hold him prisoner, but ultimately our green hero reigns triumphant when he botches up their dastardly plans and saves Santa.

Good lord, it's not just half-arsed, but it seems to be containing some sort of unsubtle anti-piracy message as well. Although the details seem a little vague - "evil characters"? Do they mean trolls? Pissed-off elves? Jeffrey Archer? And why do they need blueprints? Don't people just have a look at a real doll and approximate? And if they used the proper tools, and proper plans, and proper stuff, then wouldn't they be proper dolls? More to the point, how is this scheme meant to make money, as Santa doesn't actually charge for the gifts he gives. Wouldn't they have chosen to just make the toys somewhere else so they could flog 'em down the market? It makes no sense.

Obviously, anyone who buys this deserves everything they get, which should, if there's any justice, be absolutely nothing.


!!!(!!!)

It seems that we're destined to only get a new album from !!! every three years - presumably to give the people who rack the CDs in Virgin a chance to try and decide if they get put before or after iForward Russia! or not.

So, following on from 2001's !!! and 2004's Louden Up Now comes 2007, and Myth Takes. Angry Ape list the tracks like this:

01. Myth Takes
02. All My Heroes Are Weirdos
03. Must Be The Moon
04. A New Name
05. Heart Of Hearts
06. Sweet Life
07. Yadnus
08. Bend Over Beethoven
09. Break In Case Of Anything
10. Infinifold

It's one of life's less cruel ironies that a band with a name that is effectively "Oh, anything" come up with such neat track titles.


What else is in the teaches of Peaches?

This comes from an interview from a few months back, but any insight into the thoight processes of Peaches Geldof are worth sharing, don't you think?

"I watched that film [Fahrenheit 9/11] and I felt disgusted the way he [Michael Moore] was so biased. He completely ridiculed him [Bush] and it's just like when you're in a playground and you're bullying a little kid.

"I was for the Iraq war. I supported Bush completely, which was quite, like my friends, like, hated me for that. Of course, it's terrible that millions of people have died, but if you think of Saddam Hussein and all the terrible things he's done, I mean something doesn't come from nothing. Everyone at school, like, a lot of people knew nothing about the war and were wearing T-shirts saying 'Fuck Bush' and saying 'Bush sucks'.

"I think people should be more informed before hating a person for something."


Let's leave aside the curious perspective that a man who signed off the dropping on depleted uranium and cluster bombs on civilian targets has been in some way "bullied" by a shouty bloke with an arthouse movie, and instead think for a moment about Peaches who, clearly is unlike those people at her school who "knew nothing about the war." Even if she does seem to think that "millions of people" died in the war - terrible though that would be.

Still, "something doesn't come from nothing". Unless, of course, it's intelligence on weapons of mass destruction.


Beyonce kicks sand in Morro's face

More upset at the World Music Awards. James Morrison thinks that Beyonce and her people gave him a raw deal:

"When Beyonce got there her people pushed me out of the way. She stormed past me, and they said, 'The beautiful one has arrived.'"

We're not quite sure what James was expecting - perhaps he thought Beyonce might have paused for a moment and asked for an autograph, or a duet. Maybe he was hoping she'd at least think he was James Blunt.


Jackson's staunch fans want cashback

Things go from bad to worse with the Michael Jackson comeback: after the shambles of the show comes the demand for money back from the people who shelled out cash to see their hero:

"I'm furious," said Katherine Kidd, who spent £200 to get to the show. "I feel like I've been ripped off."

Jackson only sang a few lines of We Are The World before leaving the stage. Thriller was performed by Chris Brown.

"It was a huge anti-climax," said 29-year-old Londoner Zareen Iqbal.

"I just walked off. I saw him with all the kids around him and I thought 'I'm not having any of that'."

"People were expecting something significant but he didn't perform at all," said Abdo Binmadhi, who travelled from Oxford for the show at Earls Court in London.

"When the lights went on I saw people's faces and they were like: 'Is that it?'"

"I should have just stayed at home and watched it on TV... We should definitely get a refund."


You could suggest, though, that someone in 2006 who pays £100 to see Michael Jackson is the architect of their own despair.

The organisers of the World Music Awards are keeping very quiet right now.


Nearly all US radio stations change hands

The worrying dominance of the rabidly right-wing Clear Channel group in the US radio market has now become the worrying dominance of a pair of private equity companies: Thomas H. Lee Partners and Bain Capital. Oh, and the Mays family, who used to own Clear Channel.

The deal values the business at USD18.7billion. {Edited - see comments}

Thomas H Lee recently purchased Univision, which including a number of mainly Hispanic radio networks. We're sure this concentration of radio in still fewer hands will be welcomed by almost nobody, except that bloke off the Monopoly board.


Murderers stalk Jonathan Davis

Back in the early days of this century, Korn's Jonathan Davis had a dream: he wanted to open a museum dedicated to murder and killing and such like, because he's so twisted and macabre, isn't he?

Of course, nothing ever came of it, but he'd managed to get Arthur Rosenblatt involved. Rosenblatt sought compensation for the effort he'd put into trying to make money out of the killing of people somebody loved, and a court action led to the pair making an agreement.

Part of which was that Davis wouldn't slag Rosenblatt off. Trouble is, almost as soon as the ink was dry, Davis gave an interview in which he apparently had a pop at his partner-in-crime-museum. So, they're all going back to court again, with Rosenblatt hoping to get a quarter of a million bucks to make up for all the hurt.

We're considering opening a museum of people who've fallen out trying to open museums. Anyone want to give us a quote on an animatronic Rosenblatt?


Is The Greatest the greatest?

The good people behind the Plug Cartel are accepting votes once more for their annual awards, this year split between general and obsessive categories.

Amongst the nominations:

For album of the year:

Band Of Horses - Everything All The Time (Sub Pop)
Beirut - Gulag Orkestar (Ba Da Bing)
Belle & Sebastian - The Life Pursuit (Matador)
Cat Power - The Greatest (Matador)
Girl Talk - Night Ripper (Illegal Art)
Grizzly Bear - Yellow House (Warp)
J Dilla - Donuts (Stones Throw)
Joanna Newsom - Ys (Drag City)
Neko Case - Fox Confessor Brings The Flood (Anti-)
Silversun Pickups - Carnavas (Dangerbird)T
he Hold Steady - Boys And Girls In America (Vagrant)
The Knife - Silent Shout (Mute)

For artist of the year:

Arctic Monkeys
Band Of Horses
Cat Power
Girl Talk
J Dilla
Jenny Lewis With The Watson Twins
M. Ward
Neko Case
Silversun Pickups
The Hold Steady
The Knife
Thom Yorke

Music website of the year:

allmusic.com
drownedinsound.com
dustedmagazine.com
ILX (I Love Music)
myspace.com
nme.com
ohmyrockness.com
pitchforkmedia.com
popmatters.com
prefixmag.com
stylusmagazine.com
youtube.com

Music blog of the year:

brooklynvegan.com
coolfer.com
discobelle.net
fluxblog.org
gerardvsbear.blogspot.com
gorillavsbear.blogspot.com
idolator.com
http://blog.largeheartedboy.com
music.for-robots.com
myoldkyhome.blogspot.com
stereogum.com
youaintnopicasso.com

New Artist of the year:

Arctic Monkeys
Band Of Horses
Beirut
The Black Angels
Cold War Kids
CSS
Islands
Silversun Pickups
Spank Rock
Tapes 'N Tapes
Tokyo Police Club
Voxtrot

There are other categories, many, many categories. It's about as close as you can get to filling out the old Sounds readers poll, where you had to set aside three days to decide on your favourite bass player in a trio, or left-handed drummer in an all-girl rock act.


Gardening leave

It's hard to imagine how excited we are at the news Chris Cornell has recorded a solo album. We're really, really excited, I'm sure you can tell. Quivering wouldn't be putting it too harshly.

Listen to him talk about it:

“It’s not as aggressive as an Audioslave record, but much more experimental. It’s something that I’ve always done - even in the early days of Soundgarden – and I use that as a time to do a lot of things in music I wouldn’t normally do in a band, which is a lot. I could make solo records for the rest of my career and still wouldn’t run out of things to try.”

We really can't imagine how we've survived the seven years - oh, those seven lean years - since his last solo album, called, uh, something or other. We really, really hope he does make solo records for the rest of his career. Can you imagine how great that would be?


The sadness never ends

Fall Out Boy have come up with a name for their next album, and they've elected to not call it Some More Of The Same Stuff.

No, they're going with Infinity on High.

Wentz seems reluctant to explain why they've chosen the title:

"As for what that means in relation to the record, we'll just let it unfold when people hear it."

In other words, they've fond the phrase being used by Van Gogh, thought it sounded good, and slapped it down on a piece of paper.


Horseface singer and Ghostface Killah

Fresh from only just slaughtering the best song she's ever had, Amy Winehouse is setting up the now-obligatory Wu-Tang collab.

She's going to work with Ghostface Killah on the next single, You Know I'm No Good. Hmm, she really has discovered self-awareness, hasn't she?


We've been talking 'bout Jackson, even though the fire's gone out

There had been a promise of a full recreation of the Thriller video.

In the end, what you got from the much-vaunted Michael Jackson comeback performance was a few, weedy lines of We Are The World. BBC News reports it was a bootastic evening:

He then left the stage to boos from the crowd who had still expected him to sing.

He had also been booed by fans outside the venue for failing to meet them when he arrived, after they had queued for several hours.

The show continued with a performance from Rihanna, but just as Jackson fans were about to give up on seeing their icon perform, he reappeared on stage with a choir of 50 young people.


Thriller, in the end, was performed by Chris Brown.

No, us neither.

The performance was so rotten, even Peter Andre and Jordan struggled to remain buoyant:

"I'm disappointed in Jackson but, hey, he's a legend," pop singer Peter Andre told BBC Radio 1.

"I don't care, he should have sung," interrupted his wife, Jordan.

"He sounded really out of tune."


And if Jordan calls you out of tune, you're out of tune.

If you were watching Newsnight last night, you'll have seen early editions of The Sun were running with Jacko on page one with the words "He looks as weird as ever, but he wows music awards" - which, clearly, had been sent to press before Jackson had even left the comfort of his 18 foot wall hotel; by this morning, he'd disappeared totally from the front page to make room for - oh, the shame - Jordan at the same awards.

The Sun is harsher on his performance having had a chance to actually see it:

But expectant punters — who had spent about £100 a ticket for the London event — ended up booing in disgust at the end after he only sang THREE LINES of We Are The World — when he was meant to sing Thriller with R&B star Chris Brown.

Fan Tina Dedman, 34, who came with six girl pals from Essex, said: “We paid in excess of £500 for our tickets. The whole place was booing him.”


The Associated Press suggested that Jackson's performance might have gone on longer:

Instead he appeared on stage and sang among a group of swaying, clapping kids - until the musical accompaniment inexplicably stopped.

Presumably someone flicked a switch to put him out his misery.

Newsround is kinder to Jackson than he probably deserves:

Michael Jackson, who performed even though he said he wouldn't, was given an award for selling over 100 million albums throughout his career.

But their report focuses elsewhere, on James Blunt's victory.
ITN finds some people who didn't believe their money was wasted, although none of them are named:

Many fans were disappointed Jacko didn't sing Thriller but there were mixed reviews of the brief performance he did give. Some were impressed while others claimed his voice faltered.

It's interesting that a lot of reports seem reluctant to mention the most notable aspect of Jacko's show. Luckily, Eurweb wades in:

Ironically, Michael Jackson was surrounded by a bunch of kids during a rendition of his song “We are the World” Wednesday night at the World Music Awards in London, which marked his first performance since he was acquitted of child molestation charges in June of 2005.

Me? Onstage in London, surrounded by children? With my reputation?

The 3AM Girls manage to find an "onlooker" who speaks fluent tabloidese for the Daily Mirror:

An onlooker said: "This was supposed to be the great return of the King of Pop but it ended up an absolute utter shambles."


Jackson, 48, was just four lines into his charity song We Are The World when his voice began to crack and falter.

Looking bemused, he stopped singing and started rambling to the stunned audience at the World Music Awards last night: "I love you, I love you."

One onlooker said: "This was supposed to be the great return of the King of Pop but it ended up a shambles.


"He must have performed to bigger crowds than that thousands of times but he seemed overawed and petrified.


"When he stopped singing no one could understand why. But when he started rambling a lot of people lost their patience with him. That's when the booing started and got louder and louder until he left the stage."


The Daily Record claims that the stuttering show nearly didn't happen at all, as Jackson decided he wanted a wall built backstage:

Earlier he had plunged the awards show into crisis by threatening to pull out of the event unless a wall was built to separate him from the other entertainers backstage.


His tantrum came a day after he ordered a wall knocked down at the five-star Hempel Hotel where he is staying to create a playroom for his three kids.


And that's not all. He even refused to step foot inside the Earl's Court Arena for rehearsals on the eve of the show - because his dressing room was not big enough.


A source said: "Questions were being asked whether he was even going to sing at the show because of it. So a big compound was built for him instead."


And while the other guests, including Beyonce, Nelly Furtado and Paris Hilton, were happy to feast on £20,000 of in-house caviar, fois gras and sushi, Jacko asked for his sushi to be delivered from Nobu, and KFC to be brought in for his entourage.


There's a glimpse into life inside the Jacko compound: the ex-King Constantine of Pop feasting on sushi while his lackeys are thrown a bargain bucket of gristle and grease.

Still, it's not all bad reviews: Unison.ie had a cracking time:

Jacko returns to stage for a thrilling show - Thursday November 16th 2006: FALLEN King of Pop, Michael Jackson, made his first British stage appearance in nine years at the World Music Awards last night.

Jackson (48) recreated his famous graveyard 'Thriller' video, on the 25th anniversary year of the hit album. The US star, who last performed in Britain in 1997, made his comeback appearance at last night's glittering event.


Were they even at the same, etc, etc?

The awards - yeah, like anyone cares - in full, then:

WORLD’S BEST POP ARTIST: Madonna
BEST POP/ROCK ARTIST: Nelly Furtado
BEST ROCK GROUP: Nickelback
BEST R&B ARTIST: Beyonce
BEST RAP/HIP-HOP ARTIST: Kanye West
BEST LATIN ARTIST: Shakira
BEST DJ: Bob Sinclar
BEST NEW ARTIST: James Blunt
BEST-SELLING ARABIC ARTIST: Elissa
BEST-SELLING BRITISH ARTIST: James Blunt
BEST-SELLING GERMAN ARTIST: Tokio Hotel
BEST-SELLING IRISH ARTIST: Enya
BEST-SELLING ITALIAN ARTIST: Andrea Bocelli
BEST-SELLING RUSSIAN ARTIST: Dima Bilan


Wednesday, November 15, 2006

We must have missed the marches

Here's a surprising fact: the majority of British consumers want to pay more for their music.

Oh, hang on. Maybe they don't.

In support of the push to try and extend the term of copyright in recorded works to an eye-watering 95 years, the BPI have co-opted you, me and everybody and is claiming that we're all gagging for copyright extension:

New research shows a majority of British consumers support the record industry’s battle for extended copyright protection for UK artists.

62 per cent of those polled agreed that UK artists should be protected for the same number of years as their American counterparts, by extending the term of copyright for sound recordings from its current 50 years to 95 years.

The YouGov poll, commissioned by the BPI, the British recording industry trade association, found only 20 per cent of respondents did not agree that copyright should be brought in line with the US, while 18 per cent were unsure.


It's unclear from the BPI's treatment of the report it commissioned exactly what the 62% who were polled was being asked. Interestingly, YouGov does publish results of surveys it conducts on its website, but only when the commissioning organisation agrees. We wonder why the BPI hasn't elected to allow the survey to be published and instead just ripped a single figure and no clear indication of the question they were responding to. It's almost as if they're afraid that the actual results might not support them, or something.

We do know that the respondents were drawn from the YouGov panel - who, while weighted to represent the UK demographic for various surveys, are drawn from people who actively volunteer to join. YouGov encourages these volunteers by offering cash for completing questionaires. Which doesn't make their figures automatically suspect, but does raise a question over how random their sample is - all their panels are all self-selecting respondents who get a payday for providing answers.

YouGov conduct all their polling online - in other words, they somehow manage to claim a representative cross-section of the nation despite having no way of including the over 30% of adults who've never used the internet [source: Office of National Statistics, cited in Citizens Online]. So even without the BPI's reticence to fully declare the exact details of the survey making it hard to judge the value of their headline figure, it's questionable how representative this really is anyway.

The BPI have also published a little booklet for the benefit of MPs[pdf] considering the proposal, in which they explain how extending the length of copyright in recordings will fund the glorious British music industry's investment in A&R for the good of future generations. (Although, of course, the "British music industry" mainly consists of the Germano-Japanese Sony-BMG, the American Warners, the French Universal and plucky little British EMI.)

We're slightly confused by this, though: didn't Cliff Richard tell everybody that the extension in copyright terms was intended to provide artists with a pension in their old age? How can it simultaneously be shoring up profit and loss in the record companies and keeping ageing rockers in red wine and slippers?


Brown sticky moments at the Hall of Fame

Gordon Brown must be wondering where it all went wrong - how is it you can go to an event designed to extend the Beatle worship industry by a further country mile, inducing Sir George "if the Beatles ever did drugs, they never did so in front of me" Martin into the UK Music Hall of Fame, share a running order with Johnny Borrell playing Beatles songs accompanied by Queen's Roger Taylor and yet you're the one who gets booed?

In what way is that fair?


Ooh, matron

Times are tough for nurses - hell, in the South East, even doctors can't afford homes - but here's something to cheer them up: George Michael is going to give them a treat.

No, no, not sharing his massive fortune, or even handing over what's left of his body to medical science. But he's going to play a free gig for NHS nurses, which is a nice gesture.

He's making good on a decade-old promise:

"Almost 10 years ago, during the last week of my mother's life, I told my friends and family that if I ever played my own concerts again, I would make sure to do a free one for NHS nurses."

Andrew Ridgeley has also offered to entertain as many nurses as he can in an evening, but police are promising to intervene if he tries.


Supporting creative people everywhere

Earlier on this week, our inbox got all pingy as an email from a PR company reached us, bringing the "secret" special Zune launch gigs to our attention.

What we thought was quite interesting in this mail was the last couple of lines:

This email has been sent with an unregistered version of MaxBulk Mailer. MaxBulk Mailer is a new easy-to-use mail merge software for Macintosh

So, the PR company handling the launch gigs use Macs, eh? Who wouldn't. Although, of course, the Zune isn't Mac-compatible, so they won't actually be able to use the device they're busily promoting.

Oh, and they haven't paid the seventy bucks to register the bulk mailing software they're using. We'd imagine the people at MaxBulk would have enjoyed the irony at the thought of gigs promoting a device which will pay a royalty to cover ghost IP rights to Universal Records being pushed by a company who haven't even paid them for the software they're using.