Who's Courtney fighting today?

We're opening the September 24th window on the Courtney Love 2007 fight calendar, and find TV's Antony Cotton. He's just there replacing Sharon Osbourne, of course.

For it is Sharon who has got Courtney's back up - Sharon claimed that Coutney introduced Jack Osbourne to OxyCotin:

“My dislike towards her (Love) is very personal.

“I’m not saying Jack wouldn’t have taken it if she hadn’t given it to him, but I’m appalled an adult mother would give that to a 15-year-old boy.”

Presumably it would have been okay for a child mother to give drugs to a teenager. We love the idea that Jack Osbourne had lived a life sheltered from drugs until Courtney turned up.

Of course, Love denies it all:

I never did that. I would never give drugs to a teenager. Fuck you Sharon – as if I would ever give drugs to a teenager.”

Osbourne and Love screeching at each other. It's like Macaws in a firestorm.

Anywhere and Nowhere: CD-Download hybrid store shutters

The confusingly-propositioned AnywhereCD business - which offered you a bundled deal of physical CD and download version of the album - is holding a firesale. It's following Virgin out of the market. It appears Anywhere's deal with Warners expires at the end of the month, and without any other big label on board, that's it for them.

What is it with furrowed-brow bands doing Christmas singles?

As if the Manics wasn't bad enough, we're also going to have to put up with The Killers entering the holiday fray with Don't Shoot Me Santa. It's for charity, of course - in this case RED - which might explain why Brandon Flowers is getting to grips with Santa, who is something of a slippery subject for Mormons.

Phishing for bands

In our experience, it's not difficult to get bands to send you their unsigned demo tapes, so god alone knows why SoonPlatinum has resorted to phishing-like tactics, apparently sending out emails designed to make them look like they're coming from Sony.

"Meg White sex tape" immobilises indie kids, Googlers

If you've ever had sex anywhere near a camera, mobile phone, cassette recorder or court stenographer, you might as well accept that it's going to wind up online sooner or later. It doesn't make it right, but inevitability is a bit of a cruel bitch that way.

What's claimed to be a video of Meg White having sex has turned up online, leading to further speculation that perhaps it's the existence of the tape which has caused the anxiety that led to the cancellation of the tour.

Only problem, of course, is that it looks like a sex tape featuring someone who could pass for Meg White in a half light, rather than Meg herself, and - frankly - she could do a lot better than the potato-faced boy involved.

We could be Heroes... just for one show

The Jesus and Mary Chain comeback continues to roll, but slowly: They've recorded a studio version of new song All Things Must Pass. But it's going to get a sideways release, plopping out on the soundtrack to Heroes next January.

At this rate, it'll be a full album by, oh, 2013 or something.

Good reason to buy a download of Breakfast In America

Apparently, Supertramp used to inflict acts of cruel, unwarranted humiliation on Chris DeBurgh, the likes of which a cold god might find uncalled for:

"We used to play tricks on him. Chris used to have a habit of running back on stage almost immediately after his set to ensure an encore. One time we grabbed him, put him in an equipment case, wheeled him to the middle of the stage and left him to climb out. I don't remember him being too amused."

And yet nobody has thought to raise a statue in their honour. Can this be right?

Everyone you'd expect nominated for MTV EMAs

The nominations for this year's MTV EMAs have been published, although publishing suggests too great a revelation for what is, in effect, just nodding at what you'd expect to happen:

ROCK OUT
30 Seconds to Mars
Evanescence
Fall Out Boy
Linkin Park
My Chemical Romance

ULTIMATE URBAN
Beyoncé
Gym Class Heroes
Justin Timberlake
Kanye West
Rihanna
Timbaland

BAND OF 2007
Fall Out Boy
Good Charlotte
Linkin Park
My Chemical Romance
Tokio Hotel

MOST ADDICTIVE TRACK
Amy Winehouse – Rehab
Beyoncé and Shakira – Beautiful Liar
Mika – Grace Kelly
Nelly Furtado – All Good Things (Come To An End)
Rihanna ft Jay-Z – Umbrella

ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Akon – Konvicted
Amy Winehouse – Back to Basics
Avril Lavigne – The Best Damn Thing
Linkin Park – Minutes to Midnight
Nelly Furtado – Loose

INTER ACT
30 Seconds to Mars
Depeche Mode
Fall Out Boy
My Chemical Romance
Tokio Hotel

HEADLINER
Arctic Monkeys
Beyoncé
Foo Fighters
Justin Timberlake
Muse

VIDEO STAR
Bat For Lashes – What's A Girl To Do
Chemical Brothers – The Salmon Dance
Foo Fighters – The Pretender
Justice – D.A.N.C.E
Justin Timberlake – What Goes Around
Kanye West – Stronger

SOLO ARTIST OF 2007
Avril Lavigne
Christina Aguilera
Justin Timberlake
Mika
Nelly Furtado
Rihanna

You'll note, of course, that in a bid to make the list more interesting, they've come up with funky names for the categories - although , clearly, by the time they got to solo artist they were as uninspired in titling as they were with their choices.

Look, Justin Timberlake is a lovely chap, and makes some pleasant enough music, but are we really to believe that he bestrides the arts world like some Magic FM mandated colossus?

Oh, yes, and the titling of Amy Winehouse's Back To Basics was an error introduced on the MTV UK website, although we do like the idea of Winehouse and John Major sharing a common interest in bringing back old maids cycling to evensong and warm heroin on tap in the local pub.

Babyshambles: an extraordinary promise

You'd have to be surprised at any band pledging they won't cancel any gigs ever again, but when it's Babyshambles making the blood oath, it's hard to keep your eyebrows on your face.

Adam Ficek, though, insists the days of the no-shows are over:

"It's a statement of confidence, we've let people down by cancelling gigs before,” Ficek told Teletext. “This is us saying that those days are over, that we know we can't muck about any more."

He also had an answer for those who suggest that the forthcoming arena tour might be a sign that they've gone for the quick buck:

The drummer also said that the arena tour shows that the band are popular enough to play bigger stages, although, he added that they still “prefer intimate venues.”

Aha! So, they're doing it to show they can do it. It's not a tour at all, but a proof of concept.

Although... erm, none of the dates have actually sold out yet. So maybe it's a disproof of concept.

DRM companies fear customers are ruining its business

It must be a terrible time being a company that produces DRM technology - after all, producing a product whose mere existence makes items without attract a premium price can't be much fun.

The industry gathered together for a conference, last week's Digital Rights Strategies event in New York to shake their heads and feel generally misunderstood.

They blame the record companies and movie studios for making DRM unpopular by implementing their products in half-arsed ways:

Movielabs’ [Jim] Helman said, could be a severe consumer backlash.

“We see a huge risk of a bad consumer experience from the inability to move content among devices,” he said. “The engine is not yet on fire, and the impact won’t be quite as bad as a plane crash, but there is definitely a huge risk out there.”

How measured of Helman to suggest that consumers rejecting products which replace their rights with a series of rules won't be quite as bad as people burning to death in a planecrash.

What's really interesting is that even the 'experts' don't really seem to understand what they've done. Brian Lakamp is currently president of Fluxe:

“DVD was an exception,” he said. “There, we started with a usage model—you can play any disc in any player—and then designed a DRM to support that model.”

Lakamp used to be an executive for Sony Pictures, and yet he seems to believe that you could play any DVD in any DVD player. Up to a point, that's true - but only if you worked out how to wrestle off the region-specific DRM implemented by manufacturers at the behest of the likes of Sony Pictures.

Justin Timberlake can't take his drink

It is, indeed, "refreshingly honest" for Justin Timberlake to tell the truth about his reasons for cancelling gigs in San Diego:

"Certain bloggers said I cancelled because I was hungover and they were right. I was."

Is this wise, though? While if he was ill - properly ill - people might feel a degree of sympathy, you might consider the expense of last-minute changing of plans to be the responsibility of the artist if he's admitted that, frankly, he just couldn't be arsed to turn up to work that day. Let's hope he hasn't left himself open to a class action suit...

Kershaw: The door is left open

During the past few weeks, while Lucy Duran had been sitting in for Andy Kershaw, and before it all went public, the Kershaw page at Radio 3 had been left untouched. Now, though, with Charlie Gillett taking on the Monday night slot, he's appearing in the listings as Andy Kershaw With Charlie Gillett (although it's a sit-in, not a double act) and the tracklists are turning up on the Kershaw page. It's as clear an offer of "come back when you're able" as you could hope for.

Plays No More: Virgin closes downloads service

Virgin is canning its windows media music download service, phasing it out over the next month. Oh, that does mean, of course, if you've been subscribing rather than buying, your music collection will stop working on October 19th. Surprise!

Which could be an illustration of exactly what people warned you about when you were thinking of hiring instead of buying outright.

The company has, however, apologised for "any inconvenience" that having your carefully-assembled music collection vanish might cause.

Radio One More Time: Johnny Beerling

Probably the most famous of all Radio One's controllers would be Matthew Bannister, who not only broke cover by rebuilding the network in public in the mid-1990s, but then went on to present radio progammes as well, most notably for Five Live. Andy Parfitt, the current boss, has also attracted attention - he's been handed the BBC's Teen Tsar job, which recreates the original problem his network had (the assumption that 'teenagers' radio' and 'pop radio' must be the same thing.)

But, for us, Johnny Beerling remains the personification of a Radio One boss, managing to be just that vital distance from his audience to give the sense of a proper, well-meaning but at-sea, management figure. Bannister you could imagine sitting down sipping a rum and coke at a Nirvana gig; Beerling, forever, occupied a similar mental position to that of Jeffrey Fairbrother at Maplins: somehow finding himself organising fun despite a built-in detachment.

Two Beerling incidents fix him in our minds. The first was his decision to not play The Boiler by Rhoda Dakar and the Specials, explaining that if you took the screaming out at the end, it was "useless" as a warning about rape, but if you left the screams in, it was unpleasant to listen to. He never, as far as I can recall, insisted that all songs played on daytime Radio One offered warnings about rape, nor explained how pleasant a song about rape should actually be to make it onto his network.

The other golden Beerling moment was when, after someone pointed out that there were no women on Radio One during daylight hours, was to claim that "listeners don't like to listen to women's voices." He did relent a little towards the end of his reign, although whether because he changed his mind, or simply because he thought on medium wave the audience couldn't tell, was unclear.

[Part of Radio One More Time]

Car for Miss Tunstall

Back when The Simpsons was funny, rather than amusing, there was one where the family arrived at an airport on an all-expenses paid trip and, in seeing the limo driver holding a card with "Simpsons" on it, say "Look! That man has the same name as us..." before heading off to get a taxi.

There can be few of us who haven't at some point struggled through customs and thought, on seeing a bloke with a comfy car holding up a big sign saying "Graham Bullock", "if I said I was Mr. Bullock, how would he know I wasn't..."

This is pretty much what happened to KT Tunstall, although she was cast the unfortunate Mr. Bullock, emerging from the airport to discover someone claiming to be her had pinched the car.

The 3AM Girls rather exercised about this, claiming KT was:

stranded at New York's JFK airport

It's surely a little difficult for a grown-up to be "stranded" at a major transport hub in a country where they speak the language, isn't it?

Jamelia doesn't much like Leona Lewis

Jamelia has apparently decided that the best way to have a go at her former paramour Simon Cowell is by ripping Leona Lewis to shreds:

“When Simon stops all this stupid hype about her, that’s when we’ll see if she can deliver.

“Like every artist Simon has, she’ll fade into obscurity eventually.

“Only WILL YOUNG has been successful, and that was because he’s talented and cut ties with Simon. Leona is a poor man’s Mariah Carey.

“Simon’s lost it. He is disrespectful. Leona may be talented, but she’s not worked as hard as me or others in the industry — fact!”

Poor man's Mariah Carey. That would really hurt, assuming of course you're bothered about being attacked by the 21st Century's Michelle Gayle.

We're also touched by the "I work harder than her" thing - as if people, when deciding which disappointing album to buy in Asda will base their decision on the degree of sweat which was poured into the record's creation.

Noel Gallagher burps out another baby

There are no flies on Victoria Newton, speculating on why the new baby Gallagher is named Donovan:

I assume little Donovan is named after the Sixties Mellow Yellow singer rather than former Neighbours star Jason or LA Galaxy striker Landon.

Yes, yes. That's probably a fairly safe bet, Victoria.

On the other hand, maybe he was conceived up against the back of a street kebab vendor's wagon.

Let's share in the joy of the new parents. This is the text Noel sent to his friends:

“He shall go by the name of Donovan Rory MacDonald Gallagher and he will be a legend. Give thanks and praise.”

Goodness, even announcing such a wonderful event he's... what's the word... oh...

Credibility?

The Manics are definitely going to do a Christmas single, and don't care about the consequences:

"I think people take music too seriously. We are cross that Radio 1 don't play us. But we'll do a Christmas single to completely shred any possible credibility we have left.

"A Christmas single is a creative institution. But we haven't quite decided which way we will go with our attempt for the Christmas No. 1 just yet."

Don't worry, chaps: your credibility disappeared years ago. A Christmas single? We wouldn't be surprised if Nicky Wire popped up on Celeb Love Island...

What do you get if you blend JJ72 and Idlewild

The answer, apparently, is Concerto For Constantine:

Concerto for Constantine is three Dubliners: singer and guitarist Mark Greaney (formerly JJ72's frontman and songwriter), bassist Gavin Fox (formerly of Turn, Idlewild and Vega4),and drummer Binzer (formerly of The Frames, BellX1, and Halite; he also plays drums for Mundy and My Brightest Diamond).

In the summer of 2007, Mark and Gavin found themselves bandless simultaneously. They had, over the years of knowing one another, sporadically yet passionately discussed the notion of forming a three piece rock band. It was time for action. The first, and only, person to be sought for drumming duties was Binzer. He has been referred to as "the Irish Jimmy Chamberlain". Enough said.

A rehearsal took place in August 2007. It was raw. It was visceral. And, having enough gigs under their collective belt from over the past decade, they knew immediately that it worked. Spines shivered, hearts beat faster and ears hurt. A beautiful thunder was born. As individuals, the experience and talent is impressive. As a band, it is colossal. This is three men at the top of their game, playing the music that they have always wanted to play.

We're sure it's going to sound wonderful - Mark Greaney's voice alone is usually worth the time listening - but Concerto For Constantine is such a bog standard name for this sort of semisupergroup; it's straight out of the Dali's Car model of band names. Sure, you can be sure you'll get the URL without any problems, but at the same time, there's just something about the phrase that suggests it doesn't have a future on many tshirts.

Doherty: all clean, top ten star

As Babyshambles enter the top ten (a somewhat disappointing number six; only one place ahead of Scouting For Girls), Pete Doherty is clean.

According to, erm, Pete Doherty:

I'm not craving drugs any more. I have passed through the barrier. I want to be a father to my son and a son to my father

Hang about... isn't that from Gladiator?

Super Voice Girls are silenced

There's not much to be said for the current Chinese regime, but you have to grudgingly admit that banning most elements of Pop Idol from programmes like Super Voice Girls might be a good idea:

The curbs include a ban on public voting via the internet, telephone or by text messages.

The rules also say participants must be healthy and mature, while hosts of the reality TV programmes should not flirt with each other or be nasty.

There's also a blanket ban on Sharon Osbourne, which was introduced in the late 1990s.

Sometimes, you don't even have to read the headline

Hats off to the Sunday Mirror, whose X Factor story is so basic, you can actually consume it by looking at the page URL:

http://www.sundaymirror.co.uk/news/sunday/2007/09/23/prefects-in-black-shirts-shouted-at-us-we-were-banned-from-using-toilets
-all-of-us-called-simon-the-fuhrer-
it-s-such-a-fix-we-know-who-will-win-98487-19833609/

[Thanks to Jona for the tip]

Radio One More Time: The Beatles A to Z

Every DJ likes to have a big, regular feature which defines their show. They cheerfully assume that people count the minutes down to the slot's appearance, just awaiting the jingle announcing it.

Normally, though, they're just not very good. Who can forget - without assistance from a fully qualified doctor - Bruno Brookes' "Misheard Lyrics". This shared the idea behind the Weekend Guardian's Come Again column, and KissThisGuy.com, of inviting people to share lyrics they'd not heard properly. Trouble was, what Brookes lacked in subtlety he made up for in a willingness to bludgeon his audience repeatedly over the head by playing the snatch of song again, and again, and again. If you didn't think it sounded like Simon Mayo's name appeared in La Bamba on first play, by the sixteenth time in a row it didn't sound like anything at all other than a noise, like when you say the word "cymbal" over and over until it stops having any meaning at all.

Then there was Paul Burnett's Soundalikes. This was based - he would tell us every week - on a computer prediction that all possible permutations of music would run out by 2000, leaving us facing a world full of soundalikes. He never said exactly what computer this was - and, clearly, it failed to take in pisspoor remakes by the likes of Atomic Kitten into account when doing its number crunching - but he still managed to spin a write-in "I think this song sounds like this one" feature out of it for months.

The most audacious long-running feature, though, has to be Mike Smith's Beatles A to Z. When he first appeared on the network, doing weekend mornings, he kicked off this trawl through the Lennon and McCartney songbook, doing nothing more than taking every song the Beatles ever recorded, and working through them, two in a show, in alphabetical order. The Beatles, of course, recorded hundreds of bloody songs, and he was still working his way through the catalogue when he shifted to a daily programme. Bravely, he ploughed on, like a party host still desperately trying to keep guests interested in a game of Trivial Pursuit in the face of general indifference.

Finally, he made it to You've Got To Hide Your Love Away. Just as the nation was breathing again, he then announced what we'd been fearing: A Rolling Stones A to Z. We suspect this one was allowed to drop quietly by the wayside.

[Part of Radio One More Time]

Renewing the Blue

Desperate attempts to talk up interest in a Blue reunion continue, this week in the Sunday People:

[Antony Costa said] "Not only would I never say never but I would love to get back together again with the boys.

"People are talking about it a lot. It would be great."

Well, yes: people are talking about it. In fact, there are people down our street muttering incantations to stop it ever happening. But nobody - outside, possibly, of the down-to-their-last-quids band members - is talking about it in positive terms.

McGee shares his knowledge

The well-known seat of learning that is the University of Gloucestershire has signed up Alan McGee to be a visiting fellow, although its profile of him seems more impressed that he knows someone who knows someone who knows Courtney Love quite well:

In 1984, Creation Records started as a DIY bedroom based operation and signed the mighty Legend! Everett True who would late become friend and confidente of Kurt Cobain...

Still, they also make much of his ability to sign bands:

... the hip jesus-like Primal Scream and his own band Biff Bang Pow!

What, exactly, is "hip jesus-like"? Not to mention the vast kudos involved in signing, erm, a deal with yourself.

There's no mention of the terrible Elevation years, of course.

In 1992 Alan with his partner Dick Green, sold 49 percent of Creation Records to Sony. After the sale many were decrying the end of Alan McGee and Creation.

Do they mean "decrying" there, or "predicting"?

However, in 1993 Alan discovered Oasis. An excess of 27 million records sold world-wide made Creation one of the most influential and powerful record labels world-wide.

The implication that signing Oasis was somehow a justification for the strategy of taking the label to a major is as surprising as the suggestion that Creation was a "powerful record label" worldwide. How many overseas releases were there on Creation, exactly?

Still, if the expertise of Alan McGee isn't enough, students will also be able to suck down knowledge from his fellow visiting fellow Sybil Ruscoe.

Faye Dunaway offers Amy hideaway

We don't know what's more delicious about the Showbiz Zoe report where she details Faye Dunaway's offer to Amy Winehouse to stay with her. The not-knowing-who-the-husband thing is pure gold:

FAYE: "This industry can be really tough, you know. I think it is important to rest. I have a great house in America and I want you to know that you are welcome to come over whenever you want.

AMY: "Thanks."

FAYE: "Even if you are the strongest person in the world, being in London takes it out of you. I am going back to New York on Monday and I cannot wait. "When are you coming over to New York, Amy? And bring Ray [pointing to Blake].

BLAKE: "It's Blake."

Wonderfully, the conversation continues to flow as if it hardly matters that Ray thinks he's called Blake.

But better yet, I think, is the over-excited set-up Zoe has for the conversation:

Here's the conversation that I witnessed and overheard...

Witnessed and overheard. Zoe's so excited, it's almost like everything else she runs hasn't ever been witnessed or overheard by anyone before.

Peaches Geldof's constant world of surprises

Rav Singh's creaking News of the World column has discovered some pictures of Peaches Geldof getting a tattoo.

Lyrics from Nick Cave's Into My Arms tattooed, erm, across her lower back. Rather than her arms, which would have at least made some sort of sense.

So, is Peaches a big Cave fan?

Um... no:

I hear her fella FRED LES is a big fan of the singer.

Some people get their current partners' name etched on their ankle, and often live to regret it. Well done, Peaches, for going one step even more half-stupid.

Oh, and where did Rav ("Britain's Hottest Showbiz Reporter") get this scoop?

He read it in that magazine the send to Sky subscribers to put straight into recycling every month. That's journalism, that is.

Th' Faith Healers weekend

More from that 1997 New York Gig - this is Get The Fuck Out Of My Face



[Part of Th Faith Healers weekend]

Britney's bodyguard blows the lot

Today's News of the World has decided that, since the "bodyguard's testimony" missed its chance of appearing in open court, it might as well run it as an exclusive. Although since Tony Barretto's drugs-and-nudity claims have been aired, extensively, in all media around the world, it's not entirely clear what's exclusive here.

Perhaps what's fresh is Barretto's explanation of why he decided to testify:

"I gave evidence to the court because Britney is out of control and needs help.

"I have done this for her children. She's not a good mother. She has mental problems. With her drug and booze issues, her home is no place for kids to be raised."

Tony doesn't explain how he thinks then selling this information to a newspaper will help "the children", though.

This week just gone

Seven days on No Rock and Roll Fun:

Ten most popular stories:

1. Radio One at 40 index
2. Fun at One remembered
3. R Kelly's sex video will be used in evidence
4. Steve Wright used to have Fridays off
5. Beth Ditto strips for the NME
6. Mark Radcliffe's magic competitions
7. Radio One's dramas
8. Is KT Tunstall gay?
9. Blue Jam versus Mary Whitehouse
10. Radio One in your neighbourhood: the roadshows

The popularity of the Radio One pages may be something to do with this.

Also this week:
MC Hammer is inflating his comedy trousers one more time; the Libertines announced a grubby compilation; John Lydon attacked Sting for cheap comebacks while, erm, promoting a Sex Pistols comeback; the Vodafone Live Music Awards and MOBOs battled for your attention; a second Mika threatened to sue the other one and Bell Canada's attempt to co-opt punk wound up laughing at the Holocaust.

Five years ago:
The BPI tried to take EasyInternet to court to stop them revealing details about attempts to settle the ridiculous case they were fighting (the BPI was suing the cafes for having CD burners); Feargal Sharkey was put in charge of Northern Ireland radio; Suicide were on their way back while Simply Red stuck out their own record. Oh, and the RIAA chose Britney Spears as the face of anti-downloading. As an upstanding member of society, of course.

Discrete fingers in the direction of commerce:


We're really looking forward to this: Watch The Fireworks from Emma 'Delgados' Pollock


Scouting For Girls: "ideal for a BBQ" says Amazon


Even without the whole staring into the eyes of the big D, always great to having something new from Edwyn Collins


Although they've not been "away" in any meaningful sense, a new Turin Brakes album always has the feel of a comeback


You have to mention Manu Chao's La Radiolina - it's some sort of law, apparently


New Zealand... new indie... new Shocking Pinks


Debbie Harry's new collection: less necessary, more evil, apparently


Gorkys' Patio gets relaid as part of a re-release frenzy


The Rumble Strips continue their "giant drum" sleeve theme onto the new album


Cranes' Forever: indie miserabilst borderline Goth reissue fun