Reach for the Wikipedia

Ronnie Hazlehurst did not write S Club 7's Reach. Why would you think he did?

It might be because BBC News, The Guardian, The Times, The Stage and Reuters all said he did, in their obituaries of the TV theme king.

But why would they think he did?

Because Wikipedia told them so, and so when the - hurried, harried - journalists came to write their obits for him, they just took the information at face value.

It's easy to be too hard on the writers - loads of people rely on Wikipedia for information every day, and hardly anyone bothers to cross-reference it anywhere else; and it's not only Wikipedia which plays host to bum information tucked into its usually-quite-reliable content. But did nobody stop to think just how unlikely it sounded that Hazlehurst would have contributed a song to S Club 7 - and just the one, mind? Even if it had been true, surely that strange combination of writer and act would have piqued the curiosity enough for a writer to want to dig just a little bit deeper as to the circumstances that brought such a thing into being?

Mind, as Karl T observed when he brought this to our attention:

The great thing about this sorry saga is that, by Wikipedia's rules, Ronnie Hazlehurst really *did* write 'Reach', since it can be cited from numerous sources.

Ronnie Hazlehurst wrote Reach for S Club 7. And Bob Holness played the saxophone on it.

McLaren has an audience

It's fascinating to discover that Malcolm McLaren is on the board of Philips, the auctioneers, and somehow appropriate for a man whose career has always been about extracting as much money as possible from artists' efforts.

Whne the Telegraph goes to meet him, he's obviously puffed his ego up as much as possible; he misses the point when Nigel Farndale tries a cheeky question about how posterity will view him:

[A] man obsessed by his own self-image, I suggest.

'Completely. I have always loved the idea of being someone who can disappear, of never having an identity. It was probably due to my dysfunctional childhood.'

McClaren? Disappearing? Not if he can possibly avoid it. The man is Hereford in his own constantly redrawn Mappa Mundi:

'In the art world I am a sought-after creature,' he says haughtily. 'To participate in whatever, to endorse whatever.'

Frandale does challenge McClaren's cosy self-indulgence by asking him about his and the Pistol's obsession with the swastika. McClaren's answer isn't entirely satisfactory:

I ask about the fashion, specifically the swastika T-shirt that Sid Vicious always wore, at McLaren's behest. In retrospect does he consider it to have been a gratuitous and sick provocation? 'Not at all.' Does he think he could get away with it today? 'Probably not, but back then we were still on the tip of Sixties libertarianism.'

I suppose what I am getting at is that, well, he was Jewish. Didn't he find the swastika repulsive? 'Not at all. I didn't give a damn about all that. I thought it was just great.' He didn't give a damn about the Holocaust? 'Look, sometimes a younger generation doesn't want to inherit the history of an older generation, so we wanted to appropriate the swastika for ourselves. We wanted to have a clean slate. We decided that we liked certain icons from the past and wanted to reinvent them. We were trying to mix pop culture with politics and art.'

If you believe that Sid was thinking "I shall reclaim the Swastika for myself" when he pulled on his t-shirt in the morning, you're probably beyond saving. McClaren's defence runs counter-intuitive to the whole provocative nature of punk anyway - wearing Nazi iconography as fashion wouldn't have the power to shock if you didn't accept the then-recent history of the swastika; if the idea was reclaim and reky the swastika, what was the new message it was supposed to convey?

Clearly, McClaren doesn't want to say he didn't give a damn about the holocaust; equally clearly, when set against the opportunity to make money, he wasn't that bothered. And given that he's had thirty years to think up a justification that doesn't make him seem like someone who thought the death of millions upon million was somehow ripe for an ironic reevaluation, you'd have thought he could do better than sounding like he was in Kula Shaker.

Joni Mitchell lights up

So, how did Joni Mitchell come to get her distinctive voice? Twenty a day, from middle school age, apparently:

"I have smoked since I was nine, so obviously it didn't affect my early work that much."

"I would grab my tobacco and get on my bike, looking for a beautiful place, a grove of trees or a field, and go amongst the bushes and smoke and that always gave me a sense of well being."

And now the government's taken away that innocent childhood pleasure, along with working up chimneys and heroin-filled chews in the pick'n'mix.

Still, Joni's still got her smoking, and she's still got fire in her belly:

"I was mad at America, mad at the government, mad at the people for not doing something about it. They were going to be so quick to impeach Clinton for kinky sex but slow to do something about Bush and his Nazi stormtroopers. All that loss of freedom and everybody just kind of oblivious. It's dumb and it's dangerous."

We're not sure that Clinton's sex was that kinky - maybe if he'd been wearing Lewinsky's dress, it'd have been heading in that direction, but otherwise it was as vanilla as it was illicit. And we're not sure that suggesting Bush has Nazi stormtroopers is entirely helpful, either - Bush is unpleasant enough in his own, untrammeled capitalism without having to throw Nazis into the mix. But we'd rather have Joni Mitchell being political than Duran self-censoring to avoid sounding "angry" any time. Especially in these times.

Twang fears booze will lead to boos

Phil Etheridge out of The Twang is fretting about the amount he's drinking - he's worried that it's taking its toll on his throat and he might not be able to sing any more.

We know the cynical amongst you will now be sending across a double whiskey with your fingers crossed, but to be fair, it's almost unheard of to hear a blokey singer worrying about such things:

"We haven't had a chance to think this year.

"We've been on tour since January and we have been caning it. I have got to calm it down. I haven't had a night off the drink since we've been signed.

"My throat is starting to tear up now and I am worried about this next tour.

"Without being too emotional, if I can't sing I'm lost."

You'll notice, though, it's the effects on his voice, rather than his soft, lovely brains or fleshy, hard-working liver, which is what's bothering him. We'd imagine that it'd be just as hard to carry on with your organs buggered, although judging by many of the current slew of second-division acts, having perfectly firing synapses doesn't inhibit your inability to delight XFM listeners.

Grace Maxwell talks strokes

It's Stroke Awareness Week this week, and Grace Maxwell - Edwyn Collins' wife, who knows what she's talking about - gives an interview to the Daily Record about his illness, to promote a "it's not easy, but it's not the end" attitude:

"We could really do with more understanding of aphasia [ the communication disability]," said Edwyn's wife, Grace Maxwell, who has helped him battle back to health. "People think that if you have it you are stupid but it is not that at all. There is a breakdown between the connection of your thoughts and your language, so the frustration is immense.

"It would be good if people could understand it better because they tend to think you are daft but it is not an expression of what is going on inside your brain.

Edwyn has emerged with his intellect and his judgment intact."

There is, of course, a bunch of websites and phone numbers associated with the week - UKConnect.org provides support for people with aphasia; the Stroke Association has nationwide branches and activities.

The View: what larks

It takes a special brand of stupid to decide to push duvets down toilets for a "laugh"; it's interesting when tiresome boors like The View do this sort of thing they never do it in their own homes. The sooner they're back cleaning up after other people instead of making minimum wage employees lives a misery with their larks, the better the universe will be balanced.

Next week: some sketches

Bizarre has appeared to turn progression on its head this morning:

Rihanna strips to her undies

PICTURE SPECIAL: LAST week we brought you Rihanna's new vid - now we've got snaps

Perhaps their target audience prefers stills to the moving version; maybe it makes it easier to peer down Rihanna's cleavage or something.

Winehouse tour dates under shadow

Victoria Newton is muttering that Amy Winehouse's tour is "in jeopardy", although it turns out that she's just thinking of pulling dates around Blake Chinless-Wonder's GBH trial. Newton effectively writes off the Manchester gig:

He strongly denies the charge. Besotted Amy is determined to be by his side as he tries to avoid a jail term.

But she is due in Manchester on the same night to play her first UK tour gig since recovering from her drugs overdose.

Family friends say Amy’s dad Mitch is terrified that if Blake is banged up, it may tip fragile Amy over the edge. A source said: “Blake comes first in Amy’s life — everything else comes second, including her career.

“She doesn’t care that she has a gig that night. Nothing is going to stop her being in court with him.

“They plan to spend a week holed up together to prepare for the worst."

Worrying stuff. But we're a little surprised to hear from Victoria Newton that Amy is so besotted, and how Blake comes first. It was only the start of the week when Newton was telling the world it was all over for the couple:

THERE'S trouble in paradise between AMY WINEHOUSE and her husband BLAKE FIELDER-CIVIL. More like trouble in hell, really. For their love bubble seems to have burst.

Pals of Amy think they are finally getting through to her as they try to prise her from bad-boy Blake.

So, either the relationship is in its death throes, or else stronger than ever. Thank god you can rely on Newton to be right fifty per cent of the time.

Oddly, judge decides Britney hasn't improved in four days

You've got to give her something for having a crack, but did Britney really think the judge that decided the kids would be better off with Federline on Monday would have changed their mind by Thursday? Presumably all that business with getting a driving licence was intended to show a sense of civic responsibility, was it, Brit?

Sony BMG chief: ripping your own CDs is stealing

In his testimony ot the court hearing Capitol Records, et al v. Jammie Thomas, Jennifer Pariser of Sony BMG's head of litigation, announced that she believed choosing to transfer music files to your own PC was breaking the law:

When questioned by Richard Gabriel, lead counsel for the record labels, Pariser suggested that what millions of music fans do is actually theft. The dirty deed? Ripping your own CDs or downloading songs you already own.

Gabriel asked if it was wrong for consumers to make copies of music which they have purchased, even just one copy. Pariser replied, "When an individual makes a copy of a song for himself, I suppose we can say he stole a song." Making "a copy" of a purchased song is just "a nice way of saying 'steals just one copy'," she said.

Remember, of course, Parsier represents a label which was found guilty of rigging prices in the US, and which installed rootkits on its customers PCs - you might think she'd be better off looking to that sort of thing in her own company before attempting to tell a court - under oath - that she believed choosing to do what you wish with music tracks you've paid for is criminal behaviour. If she really believes that you aren't legally entitled - never mind morally entitled - to store your own CDs on your own PC, it's questionable if she's in the right job.

Meanwhile, Pariser also revealed how the record labels are pissing away huge sums suing their own customers:

The next line of questioning was how many suits the RIAA has filed so far. Pariser estimated the number at a "few thousand." "More like 20,000," suggested Toder. "That's probably an overstatement," Pariser replied. She then made perhaps the most startling comment of the day. Saying that the record labels have spent "millions" on the lawsuits, she then said that "we've lost money on this program."

The RIAA's settlement amounts are typically in the neighborhood of $3,000-$4,000 for those who settle once they receive a letter from the music industry. On the other side of the balance sheet is the amount of money paid to SafeNet (formerly MediaSentry) to conduct its investigations, and the cash spent on the RIAA's legal team and on local counsel to help with the various cases. As Pariser admitted under oath today, the entire campaign is a money pit.

Still, at least it's stopped illegal downloading in its tracks.

Oh, hang on a moment, it hasn't, has it?

Led Zep fans give Goldsmith grief

The jump-through-hoops rules being slapped on Led Zeppelin tickets by Harvey Goldsmith are having something of a backlash. Although Goldsmith likes to portray himself as on the side of fans, the need to provide identification at the door to freeze out people who've bought their ticket codes off touts has created a hive of pissed-off people.

As one points out to Gigwise, turning people away at the door actually hurts fans who were so desperate to see the band they paid over the odds, rather than touts, who have already banked their cash.

And Goldsmith is singled out for more complaints:

While in a direct letter to Gigwise, Led Zep fan Felix Carassco who has bought a ticket code, said: “I find it a disgrace that Harvey Goldsmith is going after the real fans after he is only selling 10,000 tickets for a 20,000 seater arena. I am sure that the other half will be going to his company and friends and a good few thousand ‘guests’!

“I hope that you can start to suggest that he does something about tacking those selling the codes and not those buying them!”

It's also not clear what he's going to do if everyone who turned up refused to show their ID - would he really send the fans away and make led Zep come back in an empty room?

Mel C wants to mark the Spices

We imagine this is some form of grim revenge for having been bounced into the Spice Girls reunion: Mel C is designing tattoos for the others. We really hope that it's a spiders-web face for Geri.

Eminem returns, underwhelmingly

The return of Eminem from retirement hasn't exactly set the world alight, Iodlator is reporting after playing through the snatch available:

Sonically, one of Nah Right's commenters calls it without even bothering to download it: "generic eminem production (snares too loud, moody strings)." As for Em, he's still mugging in silly cartoon accents (quasi-Spanish nonsense here, if that matters), slouching on his storehouse of meta self-referentiality (getting defensive over that infamous clip of a young Em letting the N-word slip), dropping kindergarten-restroom scatology (something about peeing, or drinking pee, I couldn't be bothered to parse it before noon to be honest), and otherwise obscuring his own technical gifts under 10 tons of shtick.

It seems that, yes, people are sick of Slim Shady. Still, since Em's business now seems to be suing rather than music-making, he probably won't be too bothered.

Once more around the Bloc

Bloc Party will bring some light to the gathering gloom of winter with a whole new single. Flux is out November 12th in the versions you'd expect.

Duran drop Iraq track

Duran Duran have left off the Iraq song from their new album because they hoped to sell some copies in the US. Sorry, because it was too angry, apparently:

Nick Rhodes says, "We've always reflected what's around us but we always tried to pick the more uplifting subjects. There was so much doom and gloom around that this record was becoming angry and political."

Good heavens, not connecting with the real world, you mean? Thank god you put a stop to that, otherwise you might have ceased to be a bunch of fading popstars burning through goodwill to your youngerselves in lieu of offering any relevance to the modern world.

After all, why just bum people out by focusing on a war that so far has wiped something in the order of 75,000 civilians? Why not focus on the positive things instead? We look forward to your album, 'Arbys Introduce Subs', with its lead-off single 'Watching kittens in boxes on YouTube', Mr. Rhodes.

Microsoft announces slightly different versions of music player

You'll probably have missed the churning excitement surrounding the launch of slightly different Zune players, unless, of course, you're one of those poor souls whose thankless task it is to hang around webpages like this one posting comments about how great your Zune is.

Still, there'd be no sense in getting too excited anyway because, whereas Apple announce a product as it hits the shops (in the US at least), Microsoft have revealed the player but won't actually put them into anyone's hands until mid-November. Presumably this is the allow the sense of mild disappointment to ferment. Oh, and there's no word at all about when, or if, they'll come to Europe.

The new machines have managed to take the hand-whittled iPod look of the old one and turn it into something even less attractive. They're not unusably bad, but sat next to an iPod, they have the air of something that might have been rustled up by a Soviet-era Russian company attempting to compete, like the chunky world-band radios and binoculars that you used to find for sale in the Sunday People classifieds.

In a bid to add some sparkle to the proceedings, Bill Gates popped up:

"Twenty years ago we bet the company on an integrated productivity suite of word processing, spreadsheets and presentations, and we changed the way people work," Bill Gates said at the launch.

"Today we're making big bets on games, music, video and connecting these entertainment experiences to help change the way people play,"

Yes. The Zune: The Excel Spreadhseet of the mp3 player market.

Rodger wants to pull with Queen

There's little to be said about the prospect of Paul Rodgers planning to record a song about meditation with Queen, apart from the warning the story gives to ContactMusic about automatically assigning images to a newstory:

Whigfield: Ian MacKaye

Despite what the internet might be telling you, Ian MacKaye out of Fugazi and Minor Threat is alive and well and hasn't died after being hit by a car outside a Fugazi gig.

Robbie Williams is not getting a Huq

Konnie Huq hasn't always spent her life apologising to children for misleading them in the naming of cats, you know. She used to do showbiz interviews, and once got asked out by Robbie Williams:

"I interviewed Take That when they were starting out. Robbie asked me out, it was so funny. I said no.

In those days, they were always scantily clad in leather."

But even with it all on display, Robbie couldn't tempt Ms Huq. She's always been a smart cookie. Or possibly smart socks.

Fab wacky Macca heads a nodding

Who knew that Paul McCartney was a YouTube Titan? Victoria Newton, that's who. She breathlessly reports that the old dog has learned the power of viral marketing:

SIR PAUL McCARTNEY has kicked off a new craze among YouTube fans.

Macca should be picking up his bus pass at his age but instead he’s joined the hordes of teenagers posting home videos online.

Let's just pause a while to marvel at Newton's gerontophonia - she might also pause before suggesting Macca's at an age when people are past it, what with Rupert Murdoch signing her paycheques despite being 12 years older than McCartney.

And we're certian that McCartney himself sits uploading his promotional videos himself, and doesn't have people to do this sort of thing. But carry on, Newton:

He filmed a clip of himself and pals including KATE MOSS’s ex JEFFERSON HACK nodding along to a track from his new album called, er...Nod Your Head.

Now thousands of people have added their own versions, including shots of dogs in Canada and a class of nursery-school kids.

Let's not point out to Victoria that the video was posted four months ago, and instead wonder why we can't find more than 192 videos when we search on "Nod your head" - many of which are related to the Will Smith song.

Shalamar? Really?

They're stretching the definition of Celebrity further than ever before for this year's I'm A C-word: Jeffrey LewisDaniels, out of Shalamar.

An insider said: “Once you see him you’re taken back 20 years. Jeffrey’s full of beans, larger than life.

“He still teaches choreography and will even crank out an old Shalamar number.”

But even twenty years ago Shalamar would have had trouble getting picked out of an identity parade - and are ITV really pinning their hopes on people tuning in on the off-chance of hearing "an old Shalamar number".

Sara Nathan tries to spark some interest in him:

Jeff famously introduced Britain to body-popping — on Top Of The Pops.

Really? Or is that something he's padded his cv with?

Oh... and try before you buy

Wired's Listening Post has compiled a video version of the new Radiohead album, based on live recordings and published tracklists.

"Close to retail"

It's been an interesting experiment - except when the website crashed. According to the band's spokesperson, people aren't taking the piss when ordering the new Radiohead album at the 'name your price' site:

"Although the idea is that you can decide what you want to pay, most people are deciding on a normal retail price with very few trying to buy it for a penny."

Murray Chalmers - for it is he - doesn't say if he means "retail" as in "new release in an independent high street shop" or "back catalogue in a dump bin in Tesco" sense, which offers something of a spread for how much people are offering.

Filthy lucre

In a bid to raise funds to keep releasing new records, Filthy Little Angels are flogging off some of their rarities, including The Long Blondes' Christmas Is Canceled and first ep, and a Vichy Government demo. It's first come, first served, apparently.

Courtney still hasn't discovered Facebook

Ms Love is still plugging away using MySpace, with each blog posting making that "a space for friends" strapline seem more and more like a hollow gag. Today, she's back to busily not trading off her status as the one that survived in the Cobain-Love marriage by spitting at Dave Grohl:

"As for that drummer, well he's hit on me so many times. He's just a very, very conflicted guy about me, which is why he continually writes songs about me to hear he 'hates' me more than 'anyone else'.

"Kurt loathed him more than anyone else (except a journalist). In his will he made a codicil that Grohl was no longer a member of Nirvana. I just ignored the guy and will continue to.

"Dave knows this, and he takes it out on me! Hey, it wasn't my band and it wasn't my idea! It's funny he 'hates' me since I don't think about him.

"He's just a sub-mediocre kind of (guy) who does this 'nice guy' nonsense. There isn't a word he could he say that would ruffle my feathers, honestly."

Blimey: if that's Courtney being unruffled and not thinking about Dave, we'd hate to see what she did if she wasn't ignoring him and a bit testy.

Still, we'd love to see how a "codicil" on a will could throw someone out of a band that probably couldn't have continued without Cobain anyway would have worked. And if Cobain hated Grohl that much, wouldn't he have sacked him from the band while he was still alive? What sort of person sits, silently fuming at a person they can't stand, and then goes home and writes a will which throws them out of the band after they've pegged it? That'll show 'em, eh?

Slash: I'm kind to Axl

Slash has written his autobiography, all by himself and everything. What's that? No, no, it isn't an attempt to gain revenge on Axl Rose:

"This is not a vehicle for me to vent. It's not to lambast Axl or to talk s**t about anybody else.

"It's just telling the story as I knew it."

Of course, if in the telling of the tale it emerges that Axl Rose is some sort of control-freak screw-up needledick, well, what can Slash do? He's just telling the story...

Pornographers' art refreshed

Neko Case is re-releasing her most recent three albums, including Fox Confessor Brings The Flood, which only originally emerged last year and seems a little early to be getting the shake-down. Fox comes in a new package, which includes a whole extra disc of... you know, the usual 'buy this record all over again' stuff.

The All-New Matchbox Twenty

Apparently, Rob Thomas is touting Matchbox 20 as all-new. Like the way The Flintstones and Scooby Doo did when they, erm, stopped being any good.

Although at least The Flintstones and Scooby Doo had done some being any good to stop being.

So, how are Matchbox 20 kicking off this 20 2.0 era?

Erm... a Greatest Hits album.

Look, Fred, we're all new.

Jo lie-ly

The ongoing search for slips and lies and omissions and fibs at the BBC has uncovered another instance of dubious behaviour: Jo Whiley showering a member of public with prizes while being elsewhere:

The BBC said the DJ, who hosts the late morning show, was unaware that the caller was not a member of the public.

The BBC's governing body, the BBC Trust, said it was "satisfied" managers were taking appropriate action.

On Wednesday, Whiley will apologise on air for the latest editorial slip-up, which happened during a pre-recorded section of her show on 20 April last year.

She usually presents her daily three hour show live, but on this occasion taped part of it so she could be at the opening of the refurbished Broadcasting House in London with the Queen.

We're a little puzzled as to how Whiley could have been "unaware" that the caller wasn't a member of the public - who did she think was calling in to a show that wasn't going out live?

And also: isn't it worse that you'd pretend to be live while heading off for a bit of nosebag and some warm white wine at an event? If you do think that being at a jolly is more important than your audience, at least have the decency to admit what you're doing. The non-existent prize is probably less irritating than lying to everyone when really, there's no reason to.

Pete Doherty doesn't go to jail. Again.

This time, there's actually some logic to the two week adjournment granted to Doherty; he's apparently tested negative for drugs over the last six weeks and the judge accepted a request from his solicitor, Sean Curran, to give him another go at post-treatment treatment:

Mr Curran, whose practice is based in Stoke Newington, north London, said: "Pete's doing very, very well, extremely well and he wants to give himself a chance.

"The court knows he's tested negative for drugs throughout his residential programme - that's six weeks now.

"The judge wants to see how he's keeping after the aftercare before he goes back for them to assess him."

He emphasised: "This was not a court application or anything to do with court bureaucracy - it was my application, which was accepted at 5.15pm last night."

That seems a little late in the day... almost as if they were waiting for the last possible moment to lodge the application, for some reason.