Katy Perry calls for pop stars to keep their clothes on

Katy Perry, talking to NPR, is starting to wonder if we're not seeing too much of some people too often:

And a lot of people see me as a role model but I’d like to kind of turn that around and say I appreciate that but I’d like to be seen as an inspiration. Because a role model, I think, will fail you. I mean, I couldn’t tell kids when it’s time for them to try things or do things. I mean, that’s not my role. But, you know, it’s funny. I do see myself becoming this, whatever, inspiration out of default right now, ’cause it’s such a strange world. Like females in pop – everybody’s getting naked. I mean, I’ve been naked before but I don’t feel like I have to always get naked to be noticed.

"I've been naked before" is something of an understatement from a woman who once shot whipped cream out of her bra.

I’m not talking about anyone in particular. I’m talking about all of them. I mean, it’s like everybody’s so naked. It’s like put it away. We know you’ve got it. I got it too. I’ve taken it off for – I’ve taken it out here and there. And I’m not necessarily judging. I’m just saying sometimes it’s nice to play that card but also it’s nice to play other cards. And I know I have that sexy card in my deck but I don’t always have to use that card.

It's good, I guess, that Perry is able to at least pre-empt the raised eyebrow by flicking through her previous photoshoots, but it still has the air of McDonalds chiding Burger King for selling junk food.

"I've obviously sold burgers, but it's good to know I don't have to sell burgers all the time" said Ronald McDonald, pointing to that one time a kid actually went for the carrot sticks.

Gordon in the morning: Coldplay appear to have hit puberty

Having a bunch of tits in a Coldplay video is more-or-less impossible to avoid, as Coldplay will be in it.

Having actual breasts though? That sounds a bit desperate. But if the idea was to make Gordon tumescent, job done:

COLDPLAY will have seen more boobs than Hugh Hefner by the end of this week.

The band came up with a winning idea for the video for their next single, Charlie Brown — a warehouse party featuring a load of topless girls.

Management placed an advert offering to pay extras £100 for the job — with an extra 100 quid for any girls willing to whip their shirts off and jiggle about.

A further £100 was also laid on the table for anyone up for getting sprayed. Although it didn't specify what with.

So far, so tiresomely sexist. Is there any way that multimillionaires paying a few quid to women to get their tits out could be made an even bigger cringe?

The advert also asked for an army of "edgy Hoxtonian types aged from 18 to 35".

Edgy Hoxtonian types. Yes, that would do it.

Ofcom thinks of the children; issues new pop video guidance

Ofcom has chucked out some fresh guidance to broadcasters about pop videos, having done a bit of research amongst parents:

regarding music videos, of all the parents surveyed, the main concerns were:
sexually explicit content (6 per cent)
and overtly sexual performances (6 per cent),
followed by offensive language (5 per cent),
nakedness/naked body parts (5 per cent)
and generally unsuitable content of a sexual nature (4 per cent).

Ofcom had surveyed 1,024 parents - it's worth noting that only 11% had actually said they were worried about music videos in the first place, fewer than had worries about soaps, films or reality programmes; and more were worried by violence than sex (20% against 17%).

They'd also asked a smaller selection of teenagers (768):

just under a quarter (23 per cent) said they had seen something on TV before the watershed in the previous 12 months that had made them uncomfortable or they had found offensive;

• the top five concerns measured as a percentage of all teens questioned were:
sexually explicit content (7 per cent), offensive language (4 per cent), violence (4 per cent), nakedness/naked body parts (2 per cent), news (1 per cent) and
animals being killed/mistreated (1 per cent); and

• the genres of programme causing most concern measured as a percentage of all teens surveyed were: film (7 per cent), followed by soaps (6 per cent) and reality
TV (5 per cent). Music videos came fifth (4 per cent) after dramas (4 per cent). This was followed by documentaries (3 per cent) and news (2 per cent)

After reminding broadcasters about observing the watershed for all programming, Ofcom turns to music videos:

Ofcom recognises that music videos in the Urban and R&B genres in particular are well known for including mild sexual content and innuendo, and there will be a certain level of audience expectation for this type of content. However, having taken into account factors such as the strength of the images, the genre of music and the time of broadcast (looking particularly at whether the video was broadcast at a time when children were likely to be watching), broadcasters must consider whether potential audiences (including both adults and children) would expect to see such content.

Did Ofcom just say 'well, you expect it with black music, don't you?'

But what about bondage, I hear you ask? Okay, maybe you're not asking, but apparently lots of people do:

Ofcom has been asked whether the Code restricts images of sexual bondage, dominance and sadomasochism in music videos before the watershed. The Code does not prohibit such images before the watershed.

However we advise broadcasters to take into account the nature and length of shots used and the overriding theme of the music video. Before the watershed broadcasters should take care to avoid any explicit images of sexual bondage, dominance and sadomasochism in music videos, or any inappropriate cumulative effect resulting from the repetition of these types of images that are unsuitable for children and likely to cause concern to parents.

Seriously, Ofcom? There are broadcasters ringing you up saying "look, I've got a video here with a lass tied up, ball-gag in mouth, and a naked bloke spreadeagled getting whipped - is that okay for teatime?" They need extra guidance on that sort of question?

And, let's make it clear, your video is not going out dressed like that:

It is important to note that in pre-watershed content, Ofcom would not expect to see singers and dancers wearing clothing that does not adequately cover their bodies (in particular their breasts, genital area and buttocks). As above, broadcasters should consider the length of shots used and the overriding theme of the music video

Not entirely sure if Ofcom's use of "breasts" is because they don't realise men have them too, or if it's just trying to spare us yet another R&B singerbloke taking his shirt off.

Ofcom adds a warning that lyrics which might be double entendres when heard lose at least 50% of their entendre when slapped on screen with a simple-minded 'show what they say' video:

For example, the lyric “You want some more baby? I love the way you do it cos you do it so crazy” does not contain an explicit sexual reference,
is ambiguous in its meaning, and is unlikely to be understood by children as specifically referring to sex. However, when combined with clear, sexualised images (for example, women in sexual positions) the strength of the material is raised in terms of its potential to cause offence and concern to parents.

There are also some reminders about dancing. You'd have thought that the rules about sex would have been the same whether someone was jiggying in tune to the music or not, but Ofcom thinks there's a category of dancing that is lewd of itself. Perhaps it saw Dirty Dancing, but left during the interval.

And, to wrap up, there's a reiteration that showing violence isn't all that cool.

It's all fairly sensible stuff, but has a massive "of course, they can go and see it on YouTube any time" hanging over it. It's not Ofcom's place to ask why we should just assume R&B videos will be fairly degrading to women, but perhaps they should prompt us all to ask the question.

Gordon in the morning: Nobody wins with mental images of a naked Liam Gallagher

Why would Gordon Smart even want to put this image in anybody's mind?:

[Liam Gallagher] added: "The Poznan dance, it's great. I do it when I get up in the morning, when I'm in the shower. Brilliant."

Is the idea of a lumbering, soaped-up Liam part of Gordon's pro-Noel campaign? Or is this part of a peace deal with Liam, gently introducing the UK public to the possibility that Gallagher has embraced a personal hygiene routine? Who can be sure?

Gordon in the morning: Now post-feminist

Friday morning, Gordon was showing signs of heading off for the barricades:

What a refreshing change. Many women in showbiz will happily get their kit off just to stay in the spotlight.

So, is Gordon going to stop that sort of thing happening in the future? At least on his watch?

What do you think?:

Since landing her deal with the underwear giant she's rarely been seen in clothes.

That's Katie Green, spread without a top all over an office.

But hang on a moment... What's this?

BLIMEY. Is it just me or are pop videos getting filthier?

LADY GAGA touching herself and KATY PERRY kissing girls - it's just going too far.

Really, Gordon?

Yesterday, snaps of the SUGABABES rubbing themselves up against a steamy window emerged.

And today, SHAKIRA looks like she's in the buff and doing a contortionist's act.

But don't worry... he's not really upset, just setting up the hilarious double-take punchline:

On second thoughts...

And then he runs the photos. Ho-ho-ho.

By the way, you've got to love the use of the word "emerged" in regard to the Sugababes photos, as if they arrived on his desk by some process that was part-nature, part-espionage, rather than their publicity team ringing up and asking what format he wanted the pictures of the Sugababes in.

Black Lips "flee India"

They don't, it turns out, like it in India if you remove your clothes and dive into the crowd. Or certainly not when Cole Alexander did it. As a result, The Black Lips nearly had their passports confiscated and have fled the country, leaving a canceled tour in their wake. Someone, though, should turn their MySpace explanation into a movie:

When we got to the next hotel a mysterious man and someone who worked for our Indian booking agency tried to run off with our passports they got to the car when we caught them. That's when our VBS.tv documentarian Rob went postal on them. We surrounded them until they gave back our passports. After that we booked the first flight to Berlin to instead work with another Indian, King Khan, on an upcoming EP. We are flying out as soon as sunrise hits this far away land and we have to have the US embassy's phone number on hand in case any more troubleshit starts popping at the airport or something.

If you're making the movie, you might want to change 'the phone number of the American embassy' for something a little more exciting, like 'a gun disguised as a guitar'. Even so: alarming stuff.

Gordon in the morning: Heavy pants

At last, something to distract Gordon from Amy Winehouse's holidays: Victoria Beckham doing a bloke's underwear shoot:

Posh in kecks

That's actually quite good, although it's a pun that only really works in Scotland; come down too far into England and kecks move from being underwear to outerwear and the pun breaks.

But can Gordon keep it up?

She peeled off to briefs and a, er, Posh-up bra for shots inspired by 1950s cinema.

Posh-up bra?

Bust what I was after ... Victoria in Armani ad

Okay, stop now.

Is there very much for Gordon to do other than try to stop getting it on the photos?

Becks, nicknamed Goldenballs, was at the shoot near their LA home.

Clearly not - "nicknamed Goldenballs"? Even if anyone had called him that since, ooh, 1973, why on earth would you mention that? And isn't "Becks" a nickname itself?

A year ago, Leona Lewis insisted she was going to concentrate on music and not muck about with fashion or perfume or autobiographies. Gordon reports this morning that she's just signed up for the perfume, with the clothing line and book already in preparation:

Well, a year is a long time in the life of a superstar.

She obviously has loads of exciting new stories to share, and a more mature sense of style and smell.

That's the most sardonic thing I think I've ever seen in Bizarre. Well, written about someone they still need to be nice to.

Elsewhere, Holly Valance's career has stalled so badly she's now at the desperately begging Hugh Hefner for a Playboy spread stage:

I would definitely consider doing Playboy if it was tasteful. I’d consider topless too if it was perhaps in black and white.

Ah. So she's begging to go in the world's most famous skin magazine and... you know, providing it was slightly arty, she might even take her shirt off. What sort of magazine does she think Playboy is?

Put them away, Boyz

Having a name like a gay porn magazine is one thing. Running a sales campaign like one? Quite another. Boyzone have removed all their clothes in a bid to try and interest punters in tickets for their comeback tour.

We're put in mind of those attempts to interest the public at large in opera and ballet by sending out fliers with photos of naked, lithe bodies on them; small print at the bottom warning "actual show contains no nudity." They might put the same wording on the Boyzone ads, although as an encouragement rather than a warning.

Contactmusic stresses it's not quite full-frontal male nudity:

The five bandmates are all completely naked for the ad, but they cover their manhoods with hats.

The website doesn't say if we're talking nightcaps or fascinators.

Mind you, Contact is incredibly trusting:

the years away from the top of the charts has done nothing to dent the quintet's sex symbol status - they all sport sixpacks and Adonis-like bodies in the new pictures.

We don't know if it's more touching that Contact thinks Ronan Keating was a sex symbol - he never quite made it to mathematic symbol - or that it believes advertising pictures are depictions of reality. We picture their staffers on the phone, bellowing "but why won't the tiger talk to us? They're happy enough to advertise breakfast cereals..."

Miley Cyrus drops the bra

Poor old Miley, eh? People got upset when the internet was awash with a photo of her showing her bra; now, she's taken the bra off and are people happy? Nope. It's not clear quite what Annie Leibovitz and Vanity Fair thought would happen when they ran topless photos of Miley Cyrus, but we suspect the phrase "this will create a magazine-selling hoo-hah" wouldn't have been far from the process.

Miley, for her part, seems to have confused Leibovitz with some sort of God:

Annie took, like, a beautiful shot, and I thought it was really cool. That’s what she wanted me to do, and you can’t say no to Annie. I think it’s really artsy. It wasn’t in a skanky way.”

You can, actually, "say no to Annie" - what's she going to do? Not take your photo?

Still, Miley has now realised that not being skanky isn't enough, and issued an apology:

“I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be ‘artistic’ and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed. I never intended for any of this to happen and I apologize to my fans who I care so deeply about.”

She never intended for people to say "there's that wholesome fifteen year-old kid off the Disney Channel in a shot that looks disturbingly post-coital"? Fancy that.

The photo crew are quick to stress that - although it looks like she's naked, she wasn't actually naked at all. Oh no. Although:

Originally, she was in a flesh-colored tank top but was asked to remove it."

To be fair, anyone wearing a flesh-coloured tank top probably should be asked to remove it, although it could be replaced with something less disgusting.

Cheap thrills with Heather Mills

With almost perfect timing, a couple of days after Julie Bindel took a hard look at the naked-awareness raising photo campaigns (the nadir, of course, being Mel B stripping off to, erm, fight sex trafficking), the News of the World uncovers Heather Mills' photos for landline awareness that she, supposedly, shot in 1999 but which have - until now - been protected by the cloak of McCartney's lawyers.

The NOTW tries to suggest that there's something hypocritical about this shoot:

Mucca claimed in her book, Out On A Limb, that she turned her back on raunchy modelling aged 17. She said: "Posing topless just didn't satisfy me."

It seems stripping off entirely obviously did.

She clearly had no idea what she was doing, if she expected full-frontal, gynecological shots to be used generally, even in a good cause. And there is a big question over if stripping off clothes is always (or ever) the best way to draw attention to human suffering. But does the NOTW really think that a well-intentioned art shot by a professional model is analogous to the sort of work done to fill the DVDs and magazines sold in the classified sections of, erm, the News of the World?

Sophie puzzled by Spice Girls strip

Sophie Ellis-Bextor has a problem with the Spice Girls' new video:

"I don't like the video.

"I don't understand why they're singing in their underwear when they're talking about friendship.

"They are supposed to be singing about being friends - why do they have to be in their bra and pants to do that?"

Normally, we'd suggest that it was something to do with trying to flog singles, but... Geri Halliwell in her pants isn't going to sell very much of anything, is it?

Still, we're surprised at Sophie's confusion... perhaps she might need to search her memory to find the link between 'promoting records' and 'being in your skimpies'?

Las Vegas has its standards, discover Beyonce

You might think that Las Vegas is the city where anything. But it turns out that, not unlike a desert-located Tunbridge Wells, its good citizens can get upset if someone gets in the way of them going about their lawful, casino-related business.

Local radio station KWNZ has put up a billboard featuring a picture of Beyonce in a bikini. People living the station are outraged that such a wanton image should be thrust in the faces of people on their blamesless way to a 24-hour come-dressed-as-Elvis wedding chapel:

Resident Pamela Keeney has said: "It's obscene. I have my two little grandkids coming over here, and they don't need to be seeing that. You can change the channel on the TV but you can't change that."

The radio station points out that it wouldn't be entirely realistic to depict Beyonce in a jogging suit; the locals are getting up a petition. After all, it's not like they want people to start calling Las Vegas Sin City or anything, is it?

Here's good news for Googlers

Those people who tirelessly type Edit Bowman topless into Google will be exploding with joy this morning, as Edith has shed all her clothes to promote Breast Cancer Awareness month.

It's slightly disappointing that the default creative idea nowadays when an attractive woman offers support for an charity awareness camapaign is to get them to take their clothes off. We don't mind looking at pictures of people with no clothes on, but it's uninspired and also sends a worrying message that all that women have to bring to social change and medical research is a bit of breast jiggling and the hint of thigh.

It's also a bit of a shame that having got pictures of Edith Bowman naked in the name of charity, The Sun then manages to get the URL of the campaign she's supporting wrong. It's breastcancercare.org.uk.

Skateboarding completely naked in paradise

Ben Lee had a lovely, lovely idea for the video for Love Me Like The World Is Ending. They were going to depict the end of the world, and what people would get up to if the game was finally up. One of the aspects of this tableau was to be naked skateboarding - but, being America, they were only going to get the skaties to wear nude-coloured bodysuits. Only something went wrong:

[S]omething must have gotten lost in the translation, a direction must have been misheard, because as we went for our first take of the day, the skateboarders evidently dropped their shorts and skated down Crosby St fully exposed! This would not have been a problem except that some of New York City's Finest saw the display, and pretty quickly stepped in to stop filming. Our shooting permit was then revoked, leaving us with an unusable half a take of a very expensive video shoot!

Naturally, YouTube already has the visuals.

Free your cock, and your mind will follow

So, why did Kevin Barnes of Of Montreal take to the stage with his admittedly lovely knob on display?

To make us think, it seems:

"I always wanted to perform naked...it's kind of my concept, to bring world peace to the Earth if everyone had to stand naked in front of their peers once a month. I think it's good because it forces you to sort of come to terms with any sort of body issues that you might have and it sort of like cleanses your emotional palette.

"A lot of people get this anxiety that's like 'I was naked in front of an audience!' and stuff, but I think it's kind of cool for people to be able to face that without going to jail. That's the thing, too, I had to pick Vegas because that's the only 21+ venue we're playing on this whole tour, and I didn't want to become a sex offender, because that would be pretty dreadful."

A quick call to Buckingham Palace has confirmed this "hasn't affected his chances to being invited to a Royal Variety Performance in the slightest."

Of Montreal show it all

We've noticed - as have you, we're sure - that despite our finely tuned words on American media mergers and carefully collated tour dates for indie scruffs, the real big hitters in terms of audience numbers seems to be when the name of a person sits alongside the words "naked" or "nude". In which case, we worry for the safety of the blogger servers as we point you in the direction of Pitchfork, which has got its hands on pictures of Kevin Barnes of Of Montreal, naked. He's not actually completely naked as he never removed his stockings. Not safe for work, of course, unless your office is some sort of burlesque, or you work for Company.

Fur enough

PETA's campaign to persuade people to not wear anything that's been made by ripping the outer flesh off animals has signed up another famous person (well, alright, Jamelia) to rip off her clothes and be photographed.

We're not sure it's such a good idea. Apart from the feeling that PETA have totally run out of ideas - how many naked people have done versions of this ad now? - it might be a little self-defeating. After all, since it's clear that, as long as people wear fur , PETA will persuade pretty young pop stars, models and actors to do nude photoshoots, isn't that going to make people who like to see Jamelia and others with their pants off actively go out and buy rabbit coats?

Hugh Hefner lied

Hugh told Kelly Osbourne she wouldn't appear in Playboy because "we don't airbrush that much".

However, Mariah Carey is going to appear on the cover, so presumably they must.

Disappointingly, Carey appears in the magazine wearing a swimsuit. The disappointment being, of course, that she's not wearing a boiler suit and a balaclava.

More on Australians with less on

What surprises us most about this story about a South African chain withdrawing GQ magazine from its shelves because of the cover (Kylie, some boots, some knickers, that's it) [Independent Online] is not the skimpyness of Kylie's underpants, but the size of the GQ masthead - it's enormous. Blimey.

This, of course, comes with Abs - the ridiculously named former member of Five (or 5ive, as they used to call themselves) - singing a song about meeting a girl who tells him "she's on the front of GQ magazine." Now, since the covers of GQ all round the world tend to be of a Kylie nature, or at the very least a Selma Hyack, are we supposed to believe that (a) Abs has bumped into a woman from the short list of near-standard heterosexual male fantasies and not recognised her (actually, that doesn't strecth credulity so far, Abs coming across as nice-but-dim) and (b) this woman who could have any man liable to find her fleetingly attractive has chosen a man who resembles nothing so much as Henry, the mild-mannered janitor, only with a six pack and no redeeming Hong Kong Phooey-ness.

Maybe Britney believes he's about seventeen...