No Rock And Roll Fun

I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD HAVE DONE THAT: A wonderful moment in last nights Dead Diana Show on BBC1. This actually wasn't quite the "journalism-so-light, it flakes like chicken" whitewash we were expecting; it dodged asking any tricky questions but was selected and compiled to allow a few discrete question marks hover in the air; like when they interviewed "Sir" Sir Clifford of Richard. Cliff was doing his best to be modest, although his attempt to self-efface started to look dodgy halfway through his "I never thought little-ole-me would be asked to her funeral" anecdote when he told how he was called up in the US and told his name was on Diana's Christmas Card list - "I mean, of course I'm on her Christmas card list..." But best of all was the way he summoned up all his self control to say how great, really, really great it was for Elton John to be selected to sign at the mawkfest that stood in for a State Funeral. "I mean, I really don't think I could have done it anyway" explained Cliff, jealousy seeping through his skin the same way the sweat was shown seeping through the tunics the guardsmen lumbered with carting the coffin about. "It was appropriate for Elton to do it - if anything" concluded Cliff, faux-generously "he was even closer to Diana than I was." We're looking forward to the tenth anniversary programming, when we fully expect a bearded Sir Cliff to start rasping "I mean... he's bloody gay