Scary goth skeleton news service

Shakira gives third world kids running shoes - "Hey, we spend sixteen hours a day making these bloody things just for you to give them straight back to us?"... Noel Gallagher bans Christmas from his house as he finds it depressing - oddly, the exact same reason that Oasis are banned from our house... Port Vale send begging letter to Robbie Williams - "Please support Stoke instead", we imagine... FridayThing launches campaign for 'Real Christmas Number One' - is promoting The Cheeky Girls over Girls Aloud really striking a blow for proper music?... Results of World Service 'best song ever' announced - defintively proving which special interest group is best at fixing online votes... Billboard writers select Coldplay as best album of 2002 - encouraged to get out more, try speaking to girls in 2003

We interrupt this period of inaction to scoff

The BPI claim one site hosted eight million downloads of the entire Linkin Park album. I really hope they're just lying and not so painfully stupid as to actually believe that.

Kylie-thin skeleton news service

Fatboy Slim plans vote on whether to hold Brighton Beach party in 2003 - calling Jeb Bush to organise a 'Yes' vote... Radiohead celebrate Christmas with a webcast - tidings of comfort, joy not expected... Moby changes hotel to avoid meeting Eminem "in interests of personal safety" - complete collapse into self-parody now complete... Yoko Ono says she won't sue McCartney over changes to songwriting credits - "If he wants to mess about with the winning John Lennon And His Beatles formula, that's his choice" simpers the proto-Courtney... Minelli and Garland tat collecting husband to sue VH1 over axed reality show, citing First Amendment right of all Americans to be held up to public Ridicule...