No Rock And Roll Fun

COUPLES WHO LOVE TOO MUCH: We're sorry to bring this up at lunchtime, but we're alarmed by Catherine Zeta-Jones paying a small fortune to praise Celine Dion in a full-page Variety Ad. It was bad enough last week when Michael Douglas used the paper to trumpet his love for Zeta-Jones, but now it's just getting ridiculous. Firstly, if you or I took out an advert in a paper saying "Oooh, Britney [let's say] we love you and can't wait to see you in the flesh", we'd be arrested as a stalker and - quite rightly - detained under various pieces of legislation. More importantly - are Zeta-Zones and Douglas now going to have adverts about everything they love, like some sort of hugely resourced Year Three work book? Will I open The Guardian tomorrow to see "Cheese sandwiches with prawn cocktail crisps inside them - absolutely brilliant - Michael", or half way through Corrie will Catherine appear, gesturing outside the window and saying "Isn't it a lovely day, today?" Or, worse yet, will Variety readers have to turn over quickly lest Douglas lists all the things Catherine did last night that made him feel like a man half his age (and, by extension, merely a man twice as old as his wife)?
And then: Celine Dion? If I had taste like that, I wouldn't be keen to let all of Hollywood know. I'd be trying to take out an injuction stopping it from leaking out.