Monday, August 18, 2003

AIN'T NOTHING KNOWN AT THIS ADDRESS: Universal Records can't think why anyone would be sending them a massive bag of dope, no sir, not at all - although it's not the first time the label has taken delivery of a million dollars worth of shit; there was that last S Club album for a start.

To be fair, the only things that link the mysterious big bag of ganja to Universal is (i) the simple truth that the only person working in the music industry who isn't totally whacking out, jacking up or doodling off is Ashley Olsen, who sticks to the natural highs of colonic irrigation and having her blood replaced by stuff drained from thirteen year-old English virgins every breakfast time; and (ii) the package had the address of the other main Universal Office written on and crossed out.

Now, we're not trying to do the FBI's job for them, but when we need to send stuff out of our office, we tend to pick up a Jiffy bag that has come here, cross out our address and write the new one on it. We don't know if that could be significant.


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