No Rock And Roll Fun

BUNCHES OF ARSE: It's been a while since the UK tabloids have been so single-minded about their covers, but today, they all lead with but one thought (except the Express, who have paid half a million for last week's story, John Leslie being found not guilty of something, and are sticking with it, dammit) - or rather, one picture. Kylie Minogue has modelled some swimwear. Metro suggests that Kylie "seems determined to scotch rumours that the her latest relationship is on the rocks" (erm... yeah, fulfilling a lucrative contract really sends that message), while the Daily Sport helpfully crops a picture so you can see our arse cheeks hanging out of the costume without having to squint. Do Sport readers really have such bad eyesight? Maybe what they say about masturbation is true, then.

The good news about the complete coverage of Bikylies bikinis is that Williams is shunted away to down-page or further. The coverage of his weekend of concerts seems further confirmation that his days of being adored by the papers are well over. Some papers choose to report not that he played the supposedly biggest gigs ever, but that Mark Owen popped up on Sunday to sing a bit with him. Today's 3am Girls in the Mirror quote a fan saying "it was the best moment of the concert"; Mark managing to shunt Robbie out the headlines of his own gig. Meanwhile, Metro snorts that despite the size of the gigs, Williams couldn't manage a chart entry any better than three this week. The third night of the Knebworth gigs proved to be an even bigger organisational fuck-up than the first two - although shame on the Mirror for using the 'another Hillsborough' cliche. Herts police say that the situation was always "under control" - although people were leaving the site because they were scared, which suggests that although they may have had the situation under control, it didn't feel that way. Still, money in the bank, isn't it?