No Rock And Roll Fun

'CAN YOU MAKE PORN COME ON MY TV PLEASE?': Man (Craig David) looks at porn on hotel TV room shocker. Whatever next, eh? It'll be David Gray admitting that he's sometimes taken drinks from the mini-bar, and Chris Martin telling us "sometimes, I use the little bottle of all-over bodywash - and I do put it all over my body, too." Or Pete Doherty fessing up to using the phone to call up four or five various hookers and rent boys and snorting coke off their arses while making them pleasure each other with tongues and the corby trouser press?

Craig David claims he gets 100 sexual propositions a year - we're guessing here, he's including the times a message flashes up saying "THIS IS AN ADULT PAY CHANNEL. DO YOU WISH TO CONTINUE?" - and everytime he casts a girl in his videos, he's got the idea at the back of his head that she might end up being his wife. We suggest that anyone approached to appear in a future promo with him should check the small print of their contracts very closely indeed.