No Rock And Roll Fun

CHARTYWATCH: It seems that making teenage girls (and a fair portion of teenage boys, albeit more secretly) moist is no longer enough to guarantee you a waft-in to number one. Busted, who we have a sneaking regard for, can only clatter in at number three with Sleeping With The Light On which, while a creditable performance, is probably enough these days to prompt emergency meetings at the record label. We're guessing the nuclear option will be deployed, and expect One of Busted to have a high-profile short-lived romance before October. Please, just not an Olsen twin. What will smart even more is that Blu Cantrell's Breathe has been number one for (in 2003 terms) eons and eons, and the band couldn't even shift Ultrabeat from number two, either. Jamieson is a new entry at four (Complete) with some of that UK garage stuff which is meant to be so over now (although so is buying singles, so I guess you can't expect people who still purchase them to pay any concern to the diktats of fashion). Richard X and Kelis are in at nine with Finest Dreams, the reconstruction of the Human League and the SOS Band. We're wondering if it isn't time Mr. X moved on to doing something else, lest he gets himself pegged as the Starsound/Jive Bunny of our day - there's clearly more mileage to be had in the - ahem - mash-up cover genre, but MTV electing to give a whole show over to it suggests that the smarter move would be to move on.

R Kelly and 'Big Trigger' (is that what he's calling it these days?) hit ten with Snake (oh, maybe that's it); Stacie Orrico is the latest in the long line of too-young girls having hits - we don't know if her mother is also her manager, and we certainly don't know if she's siphoning off the earnings from this hit, but if she's not, then there's going to be no trace left when this career sinks deeply into Guiness Book footnotes. [Note to self: delete if she has two top-selling albums]. Korn's Did My Time (from the new Tomb Rader movie - we'd have got Billy Bob Thornton to do it ourselves) is in at fifteen, and like a voice from the past David Sneddon charts at 19. You might recall Sneddon was the soulless winner of last year's Fame Academy, and so it's perhaps appropriate that this flops just as the next soulless winner is gearing up to take over his title. Kings of Leon enter Molly's Chambers at 23, while the second sighting of a Kellis new entry - this time with P Diddy on Let's Get Ill makes a sickly 25, something Puff will be pissed off about.

When she had that number one a couple of years ago, Leann Rimes was being spoken of as the chosen one, the person who would bring country to a whole new generation. Since then, her profile has been high only amongst those of us who go diving in the bargain bins, and she's been reduced to grubbing a living doing the theme for Legally Blonde II (aka Why We Can No Longer Picture Reese Witherspoon Naked). A grudging nation has granted this the 27 slot, but we guess if you'd make that, you'll take anything you can. Kelly Rowland's Train on a Track has barely stuck round long enough to make an impression (down 14 to 34) while Eminem's Business at least makes up in longevity what it lacked in original whoompf, trickling enough sales for a sixth week in the Top 40. QFX and The Bluetones complete the debutantes in the 40 - the former with Freedom (36) and the latter with Never Going Nowhere (40).

Being dead really is a great career move, isn't it? There have now been so many posthumous releases from Eva Cassidy we're starting to wonder if there isn't a little Virgina Andrews style behind the scenes eking of material going on. Whatever, we would kiss her firmly on the lips for kicking Robbie off the album chart slot (American Tunes, New entry at one). Meanwhile, the Barry White best of that returned when Bazza departed is still selling well (down one at 15), while Luther Vandross chose just the wrong moment to come out the coma, accounting for his relatively low 18 starting point for the 'Essential...'

Sean Paul's involvement in the long-reigning number one single helps his Dutty Rock climb again to a career-best number four, battering his head against the arse-ceiling of Williams and Beddingfield at two and three. Kosheen's Kokopelli enters at number seven and Partytime, from the Cheeky Girls, debuts at 14. Since it seems that the 'girls' 'cheery' persona and use of the word 'party' makes it likely this album will be one of those staples in every mobile DJ's arsenal (along with Russ Abbot and the Vengaboys), we would like to take this opportunity to announce our cancellation of attendance at any social function in the coming months.

Lisa Maffia's First Lady can only claim the 44 slot, which will be something of a disappointment following the heavy press and publicity slog she's undertaken in support (now would probably be a really good time for FHM to call suggesting a photoshoot). Shack, on the other hand, will see 55 as a good result for Here's Tom With The Weather, and will decide to leave it another fifteen years before making a record.

[made with blogcritics in mind]