No Rock And Roll Fun

I'M SO BELIEVING FRED DURST: Apparently, Britney broke his heart. Awww, poor sloppy Fred, eh? Sorry, that should read: Can you believe how much of a cock-wart this guy is?

"Things were getting out of control and Justin was calling her and freaking out. He had never seen her with another guy before. I have run into him a couple of times since then but nothing was said about Britney. My whole time with Britney was really good for me. For two weeks we were hanging out all the time. I fell for her, what can I say? The aftermath was the ridiculous part. She took advice from somebody and started lying about us. It really annoyed me. I have spoken to her a couple of times and she apologised about the way things happened. She feels really bad."
"I met [Geri Halliwell] on a TV show and we got to know each other better. We hung out and went hiking a couple of times. We were teasing with the idea of getting together. I thought she was very cute. She was staying at GEORGE MICHAEL’s house and that was crazy. I have always been a fan of his. I haven’t talked to her for a while. We weren’t dating. It hadn’t reached that point but anything can develop, you know what I mean?"
"I had my mind set on Angelina [Jolie] for a long time. couldn’t stop thinking about her but it’s just not going to happen. We exchanged a few words a couple of times and I sent her flowers. She was really cool about it. "
"My love life is a real mess. Am I ever going to have a soulmate? Where the f*** is she?"
The foul-mouthed star may not have a soulmate but he does have a one-year-old son called Dallas with ex-girlfriend JENNIFER ROVERO — who he dotes on. He says: "I am a much hipper, cooler dad than most others. When you have a child, you have this unconditional love and forgiving for them. It’s amazing to see this innocent, clean slate of a brain absorb new things everyday. He’s so beautiful. I don’t know if I deserve him."

We cringe for poor Dallas - there's nothing worse than a Dad who thinks he's hip (leaving aside the fact that his father is Fred Durst, which is going to be a hell of a lot to live down at school to begin with).

In a week when Walter Mitty has been mentioned more often than he perhaps should be, we're reluctant to throw his name around again, but we suspect heavily that Durst might be living in the same sort of fantasy world. Certainly, he seems to think that this sort of detail is going to mark him out as cool, but instead it makes him sound like a really, really paranoid little virgin, fixating on any woman who smiles at him - "she must love me! I'm in love! We're going to live together forever in a big house!" which - if he wasn't such a stinking kebab-head - would be sad to watch. The oddest thing here, though, is not the whole Geri Halliwell thing (try not to imagine Durst's sweaty ass as it wobbles up and down while he pumps drily away at Halliwell's liposuction scars, please) but that he outs himself as a George Michael fan. We're cyncial, of course, so it comes as no surprise to us. But there's going to be a few of Durst's thirteen-year old fans checking out this George Michael guy their King of Rock is namechecking; we imagine tshirt burnings will be taking place across the US this week.