No Rock And Roll Fun

MARTIN 'BEATS BULLIES': There's a splendid piece in today's Metro (sadly, not currently available online) in which Chris Martin out of Da Coldplayaz talks about being "bullied" at school. Except, of course, rather than really being bullied, it turns out from time to time he'd be given nicknames that suggested - horror of horrors - he might be gay. Now, we know that bullying isn't anything to be taken lightly, but that is hardly being bullied, is it? Teasing, surely? Anyway, what did Chris do? "I had a problem with [the teasing]. But then I realised when I was about 16 that it didn't matter. Then it stopped." Aha! Chris defeated them with the Power of Positive Thinking. Um, that, and reaching 16, the point where the sort of fuckwad who thinks gentle homophobic insults are in any way amusing will leave the school anyway?

In the same interview - taped and transcribed from Virgin's breakfast show, just like it was Doctor Kelly not exactly saying it was Alastair Campbell; only the department he was totally responsible for - Martin throws up the possibility that there might not be another Coldplay album ever: "I'm not sure if we'll come back... I feel like everyone hates us." We're sure he's just teasing us with this delicious possibility - like Robbie Williams emptying a can of petrol over his head and looking for a light - but, if it helps: Yes, Chris. We hate you. (The band, not you as people. We should be clear about that. As people, we have no feelings either way).