SOMETHING ABOUT MAJOR SOMEONE... HE'S A JUNKIE... UM...: We're not sure that David Bowie's memory has been so fucked by drugs that he'd be totally lost without the big book of lyrics he claims he needs to be able to get through a stage show half-coherently, but it does leave us wondering what would happen if someone pinched it. Or it went missing, in the manner of Bob Monkhouse's joke books that time. If we were in his band, we'd be tempted to get out the tippex and a ballpoint and change some of the words around for a laugh. But then, we're just cruel.