IF YOU HAVEN'T A CLUE... IF NO-ONE ELSE CAN HELP YOU... AND YOU CAN AFFORD THEM... MAYBE YOUR RECORD LABEL WILL HIRE THE MATRIX: How much more cash is going to be pumped into the bleeding corpse of Kelly Osbourne's musical aspirations? Now, The Matrix have been pulled in to write a song for her. It's called No Apologies, apparently: "It's basically about how I go through my life," she says. "I make mistakes, I do what I do, and I don't apologize for it because it's part of growing up." Hmm. Interesting little philosophy there - you don't need to say 'sorry' if you hurt other people providing you can write it off to growing up, eh? Fascinating. We'll know what excuse to use if we ever make her cry, then - "I'm not sorry, Kelly, it was just a late surge of puberty." The other interesting aspect of this all is, if this is Kelly's "philosophy" (I know we're stretching the word almost to its fullest extent there), then why does she need The Matrix to express it for her? Isn't this a bit like Bertrand Russell sending off a bunch of half-considered scribbles to the bloke who wrote the Beckham book and asking him if he could just put it into a slightly more New York Times Book Chart friendly format?