No Rock And Roll Fun

HEY, JOE, WHY ARE YOU CLAWING YOUR OWN EYES OUT?: Girls Aloud are writing their own movie, apparently - curious that a band which doesn't manage to write their own songs would suddenly decide to attempt to produce something even more complex and demanding. And it's going to be a "Scary Movie-style spoof" - so, something totally original then. They can't make a real horror movie, apparently, because if it was gory it would have an 18 certificate and then "most of our fans wouldn't be able to get in to see it."

Nicola Roberts said: "The script is still in the early stages but one of the most important ideas is that Girls Aloud are not portrayed as mindless bimbos. In our film the girls will come out on top but there will be a twist."

We'd say it's quite enough of a twist for Girls Aloud not being protrayed as mindless bimbos, which marks a sudden departure from every other public appearance so far.

Not wanting to imply that the whole project has a clammy air of being a rush job before their star finally burns out once and for all, but Nicola says the script is in the early stages, and yet they're planning to start shooting "early in the new year." Which all implies a hustle to get it into the cinemas for Easter; which we can then extrapolate one step further to their management concluding they're going to be gone by Summer Holidays.