No Rock And Roll Fun

BRITNEY'S HERES: Britney is to call at four large rooms in the UK and jiggle in skimpy clothes ("has announced she'll tour Britain") for the first time in four years. The dates are: Glasgow SECC - April 30; Manchester MEN Arena - May 1; Wembley Arena - May 3; Birmingham NIA - May 5. Expected costumes include: Cowgirl hat and rhinestone jeans; floaty gauzey-type scarf thing over jewel-encrusted bikini top; top hat and tight-fitting trouser suit; something that looks like it might have been made for one of the crew on the spaceship used in Silent Running.