Friday, January 16, 2004

MYSTIKAL GOES DOWN: Mystikal has been given a six-year jail sentence after being found guilty of forcing his hairdresser to suck his cock. He's also had to pay the woman USD350,000 - most of which he's borrowed off his record company. Which is incredibly trusting of them, since he's not likely to be working much in the next couple of years. Mystikal and his two bodyguards accused the woman of stealing money from him and saw the blowjob as a form of justice - let's hope Big Al from Block D doesn't suspect Mystikal of stealing his can of pineapple chunks, eh? It's not known if, as he was being taken down, Michael Taylor blurted out "I'd have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for the completely inexplicable compulsion on the part of R&B singers to videotape every bloody illegal sexual act we're involved in, like we're planning to launch a programme called 'You've Been Shamed' at some point in the future with home videos of rapes and underage sex in it..."

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