No Rock And Roll Fun

THERE'S INSECURITY, AND THERE'S INSECURITY: Now, while we wouldn't touch Brian McFadden out of the Westlifes if we were wrapped up in three inches of lead, we're a little bit confused as to why he thinks Dean Gaffney is any sort of competition. Brian's wife, the spectacularly dim Kerry Katona, is due for the next series of "I used to be famous, but since quitting Atomic Kitten I've yet to find another employer as forgiving of my complete lack of aptitude for any task at all; in fact ITV2 dumped me because I was making them look bad, and that's a network which is happy to consistently employ Mark Durden-Smith; however, in some vague way I was once a celebrity, get me out of here" alongside the smelly EastEnders bloke and Brian imagines the two of them fucking underneath some tropical tree somewhere. We, of course, are trying very hard to imagine anything but.