No Rock And Roll Fun

WHITEOUT: Are Oasis able to do anything without turning it into an unseemly squabble? Alan White's departure being a case in point - they're insisting White was "asked to leave" by "the rest of the band". Eh? You get asked to leave restaurants when your behaviour at the table is distressing other diners; bands don't have a polite word in your ear, do they? And "the rest of the band" - because if Andy Bell and the bloke from Heavy Stereo thought it a bit mean to kick Alan White out, they'd really have said "Actually, Noel, you run this group like you're some Stalin-meets-the-Pope infallible figure, we'd quite like Alan to stay", wouldn't they.

Noel will now do the drumming, too (oh, sweet Jesus) except when the band play live, when percussion will be provided by fans smashing their heads against the wall in frustration at their stupidity in buying tickets for the increasingly sidelined Gallagher Ego Circus.