No Rock And Roll Fun

WHAT THE BLOGS & PAPERS SAY: A quick dash around some of the opinions on last night's awards from what we must never, ever call the Blogosphere. Wherever You Are frets over the lauding of The Darkness: "we've all gone so far with the knowing irony that we've finally come out the other side and are now applauding the plain awful..." - which ignores the simple fact that the ironic part of the Darkness - the car with the fire flash on the side, the fashion, the not-actually-over-the-top performances (more like standing on tippy-toe and peering over the cusp) - isn't actually done that well. The one saving grace of the Darkness is that they write a bloody good tune and know how to deliver it, and I think that's what people love about them. You can compare them with Kings of Leon, if you like, who are detail perfect in the recreation of their image, but can only manage tunes that score a "Oh, yes, I know this one" rather than "It goes like this..."

WYA also wasn't very impressed with Duran Duran, muttering something I've heard a lot in the last 24 hours - "it was never about the music, it was all about the image with them"; it's become such a commonplace that I'm half expecting it to appear on snopes.com any day now. Simple question: Would a band that was 'about the image' ever have allowed Warren Cuccurullo to have joined? Case proven, I think. But full marks for providing a link to a site which lists pop songs about nuclear war.

Popjustice, of course, do this sort of thing well, although even they found the allure of Alicia Keys and Gwen Steffani couldn't compete with a packet of Mini Eggs in the kitchen. (Memo to organisers: Next year, how about that bird from Evanessence, Audrey Roberts and Mr. Cadbury's Parrot?) We do need to clear up one important point, though, Mr. Justices: Duran Duran weren't Phixx. Clearly, that was Spandau Ballet - have you seen the video for Paint Me Down? pj had said if the Brits were a bit rubbish they were going to blog the 1996 awards instead, which makes you wonder exactly how bad they'd have to have got before the glass was broken on the old VHS videos...

Spizzazz blogs a Westwood Rap Show instead, which seems to have been more fun for them and probably makes better reading than a report on the Brits anyway. Also pointedly ignoring the Earls Court showdown is 1471. busying themselves with a 1994 BBC documentary A London Something Dis.

In the Guardian, Alexis Petridis wondered exactly what the point of the Brits is, concluding "The point of the Brits is to provide a TV programme. They tell you nothing about the state of British music, other than its ability to function as unthreatening light entertainment." But he has more fun with the Executive Chairmen's suggestion that a career in pop music requires the sort of bravery that would lead one to go and perform - maybe even in a shopping centre.

The Telegraph tried to show it understood it's grandkids and their new popular music: "The band [The Darkness] even dressed properly for the occasion; spurning their usual bright garb for chic, understated black" under an article headlined, um, The Darkness Light Up The Brits.

Unsurprisingly, the Eastern Daily Press was very excited indeed about local boys doing well in the Brits, since if you don't count Blur (who pretended they were cockernees anyway), The Darkness are the first world class act to come from their region since the Singing Postman. Even missing out on the Breakthrough prize didn't ruin it for East Anglians, as Busted "also feature Suffolk blood in the shape of Charlie Simpson." Actually, we kind of suspect he's long since had all his Suffolk blood replaced with fresh stuff drained from young, nubile nymphets.

The Sun covers the extraordinary claim by Cat Deeley that the whole thing 'rocked' because of 'the return of booze' - apart from a slightly tiddly Busted, we saw no evidence of this, although it's quite possible that it took an awful lot of grape brandy and Quaaludes to persuade Cat that coming on stage on the bottle was a good idea.

But it seems to be only The Mirror with the full story of why Jamelia suddenly popped up on stage to present an award, looking a bit confused. Apparently Naomi Campbell was meant to do it, but pulled out at the last moment. Naomi was pissed off that she was being forced to share a dressing room while Shania got one all to herself and left in a squawking fit.