No Rock And Roll Fun

FEELING A BIT ILL? WHY NOT TRY AWARDS, THE ULTIMATE PICK-ME-UP: Now, we've nothing against Luther Vandross and are delighted that he survived his recent brush with the Big D. But are the NAACP people really trying to convince us that his Dance With My Father was so great it was the best single, album and video by a black musician last year? And that he was the best male artist of the year? Couldn't they have just sent flowers or something? (Amongst other gongs handed out at the ceremony, Outkast won best duo or group and best newcomer was Rubern Studdard. We've not come across him but we suspect might be slightly overweight since AP describes him as "rotund" and he sang sitting down. Ray Charles was induced into the Hall of Fame; again, he's not been looking well of late).

At least the German Music Awards, the Echo ceremony, didn't make up an award for Anastacia, but they do seem to have gone a little overboard with the 'thank god you're dead' applause anyway. The Echos are - apparnetly - the third most important music prizes after the Grammys and the Brits. For some reason, Robbie Williams won an award for best international male artist, despite doing little more during 2003 than playing a gig. We'd imagine Justin Timberlake must be feeling a bit miffed this morning. Robbie, naturally, couldn't be arsed to show up, accepting his award on a video where he made some sort of reference to how getting a prize in Germany proves his international stature. Yes, Robbie, but if the whole not making it in America isn't a problem for you, why did you sign your contract with EMI because they were going to make you a star in the States? And more importantly, why do you keep going on about it?

Shania Twain picked up the Echo for best female (again, making us wonder if it takes eighteen months for the lorry carrying records to make it to Germany) while Evanescece won best international band. What a strange place Germany is.