No Rock And Roll Fun

JACKSON FAMILY SECRETS: The chap who spent ages trying to be allowed to sell his big pile of Jackson stuff has finally offloaded tonnes of Jacko tat and tack to a European buyer who, for what we assume is understandable reasons, wanted to remain anonymous. We're hoping it turns out to be Macca, getting his revenge for Jackson's purchase of the Beatles catalogue all those years back. The bloke who sold them didn't do so before building a scary website to showcase the gubbins, which claims to reveal secrets about the Jackson family. We've not been daft enough to pay for access, especially since the free tour gives a hint of the littleness of the revelations - "Was Janet married?" (erm, yes, to James ElDebarge)... "see Janet's personal daytimer... every juicy detail of her day" (what - '9.30 - hairdresser'?)... "un-retouched pictures of [LaToya's] body" (now, that's just going to give us nightmares, and you know it) and although "what does a guest at Neverland ranch get?" sounds crunchy, we'r ebetting it's going to be some pictures of cleansing wipes and a map rather than a picture of... well, let's just all write our punchlines, shall we?

Even more disappointingly, there's no mention at all of Jermaine and the stuff we might get to see that relates to him.