THEY FUCK YOU UP, YOUR MUM AND DAD: We'd like to issue an apology. When we were covering Britney Spear's wedding, we may have given the impression that her short-lived union with Jason Alexander was because she was ripped off her tits on cheap liquor. In fact, it turns out it was all Britney's parents fault. Britney says they're controlling and it's like living in a prison - although not even Jeffrey Archer found a prison that was willing to let him fly to Vegas, drink enough Cobra to knock an elephant over, and get married in a drive-thru Vow-a-rama. Not that Britney has any regrets, because "Sometimes it's cool to make mistakes. You learn a lot about yourself." So far, that list of lessons learned is: Red wine = headaches; white wine = vomit; gin = marry the first loser with a vaguely familiar face and annull it the moment he yells 'dude, I'm so going to be the one to pop Britney Spear's ass'.