PRESUMABLY COURT TV WOULD BE AT THE FRONT OF THE QUEUE: In happier times, fallen stars would turn to drugs and booze to make their problems go away. Nowadays, drugs and booze are suddenly part of the problem - whatever happened to a Hollywood where, so long as you turned up to do the Carson show and you had some whites of your eyes still visible, and didn't leave drool on the sofa, you were left alone? With the needle no longer an acceptable way to escape the miseries of being rich and able to shag your way through any cheerleader team you choose, stars are being forced to find a new way to cleanse themselves, and, unfortunately for us, it's the fly-on-the-wall series; the addiction which delivers a daily hit of Feeling Like A Big Star. Bobby Brown is reported to be currently attempting to turn his spectacular fuck-ups into a thirteen part series. It was better for the rest of us when they'd just retire to a penthouse with a dozen call girls and enough smack to becalm an angry elephant. At least they left the TV schedules alone.