No Rock And Roll Fun

REPORTS SUGGEST JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE IS GOING INTO HIDING - "WHEREVER OSAMA IS": While we count down the hours until Todd finally gives in to his throbbing inner turmoil and kisses the gay nurse from Weatherfield General, George Michael is trying to line up another top celeb snog, dropping not very subtle hints that he'd like to rub his greying stubble against Justin Timberlake's bumfluff. But although Michael, 72, says he'd like to be the thrusting force behind a male answer to the Madonna-Britney kiss at the MTV awards, he's got more self respect than to try and, you know, go further with Timbo. He wouldn't want more than a snog; a full-on, manly collaboration would be wrong, somehow:

"I couldn't bear people saying there's this old guy clinging on to a young talent. Maybe I'm a little less worried that my star might fade than Madonna."

Well, yes. You wouldn't want to actually record some music, would you? That might make you look a little sad. Much better to sit around salivating about the possibility of getting a quick fumble off of Justin whenever an interview light comes on, eh? There's your actual dignity for you.