STUNTS ABANDONED: Damn, if we'd have known that Robbie Williams and Alanis Morrisette's duet at Cannes would be canned, we'd have thought about going. It seems Robbie made his excuses and left the festival before murdering Cole Porter. The grusesome twosome had been planning to sing together on a platform floating at sea, which obviously would have been such a temptation for anyone with a sharp knife to cut them free and send them off into the Med - wonder who would have eaten who? But now we'll never know, for Robbie stropped off back home for "personal and business reasons." By which we suppose some of those movie moguls he'd been desperate to sign him up for stardom had said "not to be personal, but I wouldn't hire you to clean up my dog's business."