No Rock And Roll Fun

SATAN JUST EDGED BY SHARON OSBOURNE: In one of those dog-day page fillers, Kerrang have compiled their list of the most important people in rock - that Sharon Obsourne came top suggests that they missed out the word "self" after "most" when producing the press release. Satan is given the second place for the vague reason that "the devil has all the best tunes" - you;d have thought someone at K! would have heard enough Norwegian death metal to realise the falsehood at the heart of that cliche; Satan's minion Brian Becker of Clear Channel comes third.

We can't actually bring ourselves to mention who rounds off the survey, so please forgive the cut and paste job:

Rounding off the chart at number 10 was teenage singer Avril Lavigne "for turning a new generation of pop fans into fans of all things loud and objectionable".

No, no, we're not choking; that's hollow laughter.