WHEN SIMONS COLLIDE: The only thing more fun than watching someone odious being taken to court is when they're being taken to court by someone equally odious, and every single cent of the good money being thrown after bad is being splendidly wasted by people who really shouldn't have all the cash in the first place. So we wish many long, tortuous, expensive days in court for the upcoming battle between Simon Cowell and Simon Fuller over who should sign up Fantasia Barrino and Diana DeGarmo. Cowell - in his role as BMG rep - holds exclusive rights for the American Idol top two through the programme licensing deal; Fuller - wearing his 19 puffa-jacket - is trying to sign them in to a management deal. The best part? Nobody in the UK gives a flying sausage about either of the dull artists, so it really doesn't matter. But, what with the important principle involved, that shouldn't let the two Simons hold back from instructing the very, very best legal minds in the Kingdom.