No Rock And Roll Fun

WIVES AND LOVERS: It was rather perfect when Brandy, knocked-up and famous, was able to announce a couple of months before the birth of her MTV-sponsored baby that, actually, she had got married the year before, she just, you know, forgot to mention it. (It probably says a lot about something that the thought of a child out of wedlock would have been treated as a scandal, like America in 2004 in Weatherfield, 1976). Now, though, her "husband", Kevin Smith, is running round saying that their secret marriage was a little too perfect: he and Brandy never were married, and they just cooked the story up to stop the public being outraged. (And, presumably, to spare MTV's blushes of sponsoring a child from the wrong side of the sheets and thereby encouraging public wantonness and general strumpetry):

"I prefer not to air our dirty laundry through the media. I was just stating the truth. Brandy and I have many things to work out over a long period of time, and will hopefully head in a more positive direction."

Brandy, naturally, is having none of it: "We had a spiritual union and true commitment to each other, and we still share a common bond through our daughter, Sy'rai." Of course, spiritual union and true commitments are really lovely things, but could you offer us something a bit more concrete, like "we had a gathering with friends and relatives, and a swan made of ice and a jazz band playing 'when the saints go marching in' and signed a piece of paper" or maybe even just "we had a piece of paper"? Because, of course, that would be the easy way to clear this up once and for all - just wave that marriage licence at us.