No Rock And Roll Fun

MICHAEL JACKSON: THE NOEL EDMONDS OF ROCK MUSIC: You have to sometimes realise that everything you're going to touch is going to turn to shit, buy a pair of thick gloves, and accept your lot. Michael Jackson, surely, must be getting the message by now, as more near-tragedy hits him. Children moaning at the Neverland Ranch in confused, shocked pain is nothing new, apparently, but this time it was because a fifteen year old boy had been driving round Jacko's ranch on one of those mini-tractor things and fell off. Apparently a tyre got blown, which flipped the boy over and he felt the enormous weight of the All-Terrain Vehicle pressing down on him, the engine still throbbing mightily away. It writes itself, really, doesn't it?

Of course, the astonishing thing is that parents are still sending their kids off to Neverland - we find ourselves thinking of Albert's father who, discovering his son had survived being eaten by a lion just as he was about to receive his insurance payout, gave his boy "his stick with the horse's head handle/ go see what the tigers can do."