No Rock And Roll Fun

MORE NEW DIRECTIONS THAN A MILTON KEYNES ROUNDABOUT: No, Kelly Osbourne, we doubt if anyone will be "surprised" that you've chosen a new direction - this time, it's going to be 80s pop. The way you've rushed about trying to find something to stick, we wouldn't be surprised if you turned up offering alpine horn music or showtunes.

By the way, we'll just take this opportunity to mention your presentation of Channel 4's recent Divas programme. We thought it unlikely that you'd be the worst TV presenter in your family, but you managed to combine Jack's inability to relax on camera with your mother's conviction that she is more important than actually bothering to think about what you're saying. Absolutely dreadful. We hope you weren't thinking it the first step to a lucrative career anchoring TV shows.