No Rock And Roll Fun

ON THE PLUS SIDE, YOU'RE NOT LIKELY TO GET CHINNED BY A DVD: Oasis have got so bloated and lazy, they're not even bothering to go on their latest tour - instead, they're sending a DVD of Definitely Maybe round to various clubs, thereby allowing their long-suffering fans the chance to, erm, be the first to see their ten year old songs on a television screen. Groupies are believed to be asked to form a queue next to whoever holds the remote control.