No Rock And Roll Fun

WHAT THE POP PAPERS SAY: Contains some Dominic Mohan
There's The White Stripes on the cover of the NME, which can only mean one thing… there's a big interview with Dominic Mohan inside. Erm…

Even before we'd picked up our copy from the doormat, we'd had this email from Elvis Presley:

I know you're going to mention this in 'what the pop papers say' so I won't knock up a nicely-worded and considered argument, which is just as well coz I'm unable to due to rage: Dominic-fucking-Mohan as the centre piece of a White Stripes cover story without so much as a peep from the band themselves?! Jesus Christ. Aren't the NME one of the sponsors? Sponsoring a festival and giving a headlining band the cover isn't enough to get them to throw a few words your way? If proof was needed the NME's an insular, sycophantic rag that preachers to an ever-decreasing choir...

… although to be fair, at least talking to Mohan was a fairly inspired way of trying to get round the lack of an interview, although anyone who bought the paper for the Whites only to find they were getting a piece largely built upon an interview with the bloke who used to edit the Bizarre column in The Sun are going to feel pretty short changed. The trouble is, though, Mohan is a disagreeable, tiresome self-promoter, who seizes on the opportunity to try and portray himself as some sort of music guru - "I felt their look could catch on… a reaction to the manufactured pop that was clogging up the charts." Eh? Since when did The Sun declare war on manufactured pop? Also popping up is Jack's unreliable nephew Ben Blackwell to observe that "John Lee Hooker played stuff in Detroit and that doesn't get mentioned too often in connection with The White Stripes." Er… no, you’re right. Erm…

Still, if they hadn't given The White Stripes the front page, it would have had to have been Goldie Lookin' Chain, and that would never do.

The news pages have been swallowed by the V Festival reviews: Most shockingly, Kim Deal looks like Sandi Toksvig. [Page six, if you don't believe me]; in Hylands Park Tom from Keane says "we want to thank you, the people of Britain, for turning up to see us"; Sophie Ellis Bextor was spotted with her baby backstage; Muse and Pixies come out of it all as the highlights.

The remainder of the news space is mainly given over to extracts from Robbie Williams' forthcoming biography in which he reveals that he planned on sending Noel Gallagher a gloating letter before playing his three-night traffic jam at Knebworth because of Noel's earlier comments about him being "the fat dancer from Take That." It's perhaps the ultimate confirmation of what an insecure, pathetic third-rate talent Williams is that he not only feels the need to put one over on Gallagher, but that he tells people about it.

Peter Robinson saves us all by telling LL Cool J he's got a friend who thinks "your name a bit gay, what with it not being Cool J Loves Ladies." James' response can be used to calibrate measures of laughing too much: "HAAAAA! I've got to laugh at your friend. Your friend is hilarious to me." He doesn't actually go on to say "The very idea… me, gay? Imagine! Heh, who'd ever think that?" but…

There's a piece on the Suicide Girls - who have, of course, now converted their internet porn site into a cabaret, which will be at Reading-Leeds. We've still yet to have it convincingly explained to us what makes porn different because they've got a tattoo and blue hair.

Reviews
Live
Scissor Sisters - Brighton Dome - "welcome to the new regency"
The 5678s - Newcastle Cluny - "this shit is infectious"

Albums
Dizzee Rascal - Showtime - "sometimes flirts with a more American sound", 9
The blue nile - high - "you owe it to yourself to own a blue nile album - just not this one", 5
Bent - ariels - "making progress at a leisurely pace"

Singles
Sotw - fierce girl - double drop - "the reference points are JD Sports and cans of stella"
Kittie - into the darkness - "fisting Justin Hawkins"

And finally, Colin Murray does the 'Why I Love' feature, choosing Ash. He believes that Shining Light is one of the great love songs of our times. It's not often you can say "Colin Murray is probably right there", but… this time, he is.