HE'S A BRUISER: Oddly, it turns out that when Chris Martin said that photographer had tripped while he was chasing a taxi with Martin and his much more interesting wife in it, what he meant was "I punched the photographer." He's now admitted the attack, and been cautioned. He's not apologised to the photographer, which is all well and good. What bothers us, though, is that Martin's original lie to the police has resulted in a costly and time consuimg five-month police investigation - time the police could have spent on muggings, rapings, theivery or even just investigationg crimes. Maybe Martin owes all the people who pay the Metropolitan Police an apology, and perhaps compensating the police for the time they've wasted would be an excellent way of doing so?