No Rock And Roll Fun

BEYONCE INTRODUCES KELLY, THE OTHER ONE TO THEIR NEXT EMPLOYER:



At this size, it might look merely like they're appearing with Cilla Black, but it is, of course, your favourite, happiest clown. Destiny's Child have signed a sponsorship deal with McDonalds - although with the comparative strength of the Beyonce and MaccyDs brands right now, you'd think it would be the other way round. The whole thing is slightly clunky, with McD's crowbarring in the whittle-light I'm Lovin' It slogan. The tour is going to be called "Destiny Fulfilled and lovin' it", which is probably the clumsiest welding together of titles since the New Statesman and New Society merged.

Beyonce shrugs off the sheen of independence by muttering some pre-scripted words: "We're lovin' the chance to work with McDonald's and know that together we'll create lots of fun and cool surprises. McDonald's shares our passion for music, so we can't wait to start connecting to our fans -- McDonald's customers -- all over the world."

We're not sure if Beyonce is suggesting that Destiny's Child fans and McDonalds customers are the same people, and if they are, then why is the clown spending money trying to promote himself to them? Surely he'd be better off trying to attract fans of a band who aren't already McDonalds customers - okay, maybe a contract with Morrissey seems unlikely, but you get the idea.

If Beyonce sounds stilted trying to sound like a corporate shill, then Larry Light, McDonald's Executive Vice President and Global Chief Marketing Officer, trying to sound like a hipster is even worse:

"Music is a universal language that touches the lives of everyone. And it will continue to power our brand as we connect to our customers around the world in fresh, relevant ways. Destiny's Child is a dazzling addition to McDonald's."

Surely "beef" is what powers the McDonalds brand? Or at least chips? And that word "addition" is a slightly scary one, like they're going to lock up them up and keep them there forever. Which reminds us: whatever happened to Justin Timberlake after he did the I'm Lovin' It jingle?