Monday, October 11, 2004

MUMMYFIED: Normal people show they've grown up by moving out of home (except for meals, clothes washing and dipping into the loose change pot, of course). Lolly Pop Stars, who generally tend to own the home anyway, have to find a different way of asserting their independence, and the latest parents to hear the words that break their hearts - "Mum, you're fired" are Joss Stone's. Stone, having axed her mother, is now looking for a new person to run her life, preferably one who doesn't have access to the baby photos.

Oddly, though, despite she's been canned, mommy is still taking part in the interview process to pick her successor. That's going to make for an uncomfortable interview, isn't it?

"Right Mr... McGee, is it? Well, how do you intend to do more for Joss than I have done? I should point out I carried her for nine months, underwent a seventeen hour labour process akin to reversing a tank up a Leeds backstreet, oversaw her toiletry needs until she learned bladder control and suckled her at my own bossom... have you gone so far for a client?"

"Well, I used to represent Liam Gallagher, so pretty much, yeah..."

Joss, meanwhile, is just blatantly fishing for compliments:

"This one guy told us that I needed to be sexed up a bit. He said that girls should want to be me, while guys should want to fuck me! Can you believe that?

"Sorry, but I'm not about to take my clothes off for anybody. I'm hardly beautiful like Beyoncé, am I? I can't imagine anyone would want to see me naked."

We're sure there's already some sort of petition being put together as we talk.

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