No Rock And Roll Fun

VICTORIA BECKHAM: THE NEW VICTORIA WOOD: Apparently, we've been missing out on a major part of Victoria Beckham's personality - David insists she's got a cracking sense of humour. Like when he goes off to play football, right, she tells him to take Preparation H because he spends so much time on the bench. Haw haw haw. Of course, it's possible that we've got Victoria right, and David has missed that she's just a bit vicious - it's not entirely very supportive to say, even in jest, "Ha, you're so shit you'll be sat on the bench all match", is it?

Meanwhile, Jude Law claims that he based his Alfie on David, because Beckham is a bit of dandy. The surprise that he based it on anyone other than merely recycling Michael Caine mug-for-mug, eyebrow-for-eyebrow passing, we wonder if the announcement that he used Beckham as his model for the amoral, womanising vacuum is going to bring forward a flurry of threatened lawsuits from the Beckhams?