LIFE TRULY IS A CABARET, ISN'T IT, OLD CHUM?: Terrible business for Liza Minnelli, who's being sued by her former bodyguard. M'hammed Soumayah reckons that Minnelli more or less compelled him to shag her and wants fifty-four million quid to make up for it - go alone knows how much he'd want if she'd made him join in while she was married to David Gest. Some of the damages are to make up for the injuries he sustained when, he says, Minnelli attacked him, although you'd have to ask how good you'd be as a bodyguard if you can be beaten up by the person who you're supposed to protecting - surely that's a bit like getting a reception class swimmer to be Ian Thorpe's lifeguard? Anyway, Liza is going to vigorously defend herself, claiming it's all a "quicksand of untruths and misstatements" and - as is usual - launching her own counter-claim for £124,000 for breach of contract (we think that refers to him not turning up for bodyguard, rather than failing to make good on his manly promises, which, we understand from those Pele adverts, happens to men on occassion).