No Rock And Roll Fun

THAT'S "IF" IN THE SAME WAY AS IN "IF THE SEA WAS SALTY": Robbie Williams has been twittering away to Richard Desmond's Attitude magazine about what a crazy world it would be if he was gay, because, obviously, he's not, just imagine. The very idea! He's been out with Geri Halliwell, and she's a lady, so it would be ridiculous, right, but if he was gay, and let's try and stretch our minds to picture it as if Robbie, who loves ladies, was gay - crazy, I know, but let's just go with it, even though it's, like, totally mad, good god, think of it, but suppose rather than having sex with women like he does, all the time, he found men attractive in a sexual way, Robbie says he'd quite like to do Lee Ryan. But he doesn't really fancy him, of course:

"They've all got their appeal. But if I put my gay man shoes on for a minute, Lee is your archetypal gay's bloke. He's like one of those adverts you get at the back of magazines, the ones with the guys in soccer strips you can phone up and listen to them having a wank apparently. Well Lee's one of them. He is totally a gay phoneline ad."

You see that "apparently"? It's totally clear that Robbie has never called any of these numbers to listen to blond, big-cocked guys stroking their massive shafts firmly from base to tip until they pump jets of hot, salty cum over their chests and thighs. But if he had, he'd expect it to be someone like Lee Ryan at the other end. Doing that. With all the stickiness over their naked bodies.