No Rock And Roll Fun

BUSTED FOR GOOD: Pyres are being built all over the country with the news that Busted really, truly have split and aren't ever going to play together again.

The band have statemented:

"Following the departure of Charlie Simpson, Busted announced today (Friday 14th Jan 2005) that they have decided to split up."

Matt Willis, once his future (Celebrity Big Brother - harshly mocked solo album not selling - difficult drug problems - manager of a Mr. Jiffy outlet) had stopped flashing in front of him said:

"It's a really sad day for all of us but we've always said that if one member left then we'd call it a day. The last three years have been unbelievable and I'd like to say a massive thank you to all our fans - you've been amazing."

James Bourne, who had been rocking, clutching his legs and whispering 'but nobody thought Robbie would be a success, did they?' over and over, had this to say:

"I'm devastated that Charlie has chosen to quit Busted, but I have to respect his decision and I fully support him and wish him all the best for the future. I would like to say a personal thank you to all the fans who have made the last three years the best years of my life. I'll remember these years forever."

Charlie, meanwhile, is still really excited and believes that people are just dying to transfer their affection to Fightstar:

"I'm incredibly proud of everything that we've achieved in Busted. We've enjoyed some of the best times in our lives together. I wouldn't change one single bit of it. This has been a really difficult decision and I hope the fans will understand."

... but even as he was speaking, the last groupie was fishing her knickers off and the floor and quietly let herself out the hotel room.

Tony Blair cut short a session ringing Gordon Brown's phone number and pretending he wanted to order a pizza to say "This is a dark day for music; a dark day for Britain. We must now put our faith in McFly to carry forward the name of pretty boys pretending to be stars."