No Rock And Roll Fun

CHERYL TWEEDY ATE MY HOMEWORK: There's something quite cruel about the new Radio One competition, where you can win pop stars being ordered to spend the day with you at school (Radio One just seems to accept that its listeners will be at school these days, then). The winning entrant will get to choose between Lemar, Girls Aloud, Feeder, Daniel Bedingfield and - oh, god help the poor head teacher - Goldie Lookin' Chain. The musicians will be expected to take part in lessons - "No, Tweedy, seven times seven isn't seventy-seven..." - including PE, which should be a hoot if it's Daniel Bedingfield. Our sweetest hope, though, is Gripper and his gang enter and get GLC down for a spot of ear-twisting and stealing their dinner money. Guns don't kill people, the blue goldfish do.