No Rock And Roll Fun

SEND FOR COLT SEAVERS: Good god, Judge Dread Blunkett's only been gone a couple of weeks and already the country is sliding into a sea of scofflawing and anarchy. Take, for example, Lee Ryan - convicted of smashing up photographer's equipment, and ordered by a court to pay two hundred quid. Apparently, the photographers haven't had a penny, so a warrant has been issued for Ryan's arrest. Lee's spokesperson says it's all a terrible misunderstanding:

"Lee's representative paid the costs by credit card on the day of the court case and that marked the end of the case as far as Lee was concerned.

"He is amazed and upset to hear that the matter appears to be unresolved and will be looking into how the mix-up could have occurred immediately."

Is it just us, or is there something lacking in the whole penalising element of Ryan's sentence that he got someone else to put his fine onto a credit card? In effect, not only has he got someone else to do his sentence for him, but it seems to be Mastercard who have been fined.

We actually wonder if what happened was something like this:

Ryan: God, two hundred quid? We'd have to have another four number ones before Mr. Manager would give me that much... would you pay for me, Mr. Minder?
Mr. Minder: Go stuff yourself, Ryan. I'm here to make sure you don't lick no more electric cables or get locked in the toilets again, no more
Ryan: Please...
Mr. Minder: No
Ryan: I'll try and swim in the goldfish tank at the restaurant again
Mr. Minder: Oh, alright, then. You wait outside.
Ryan: Thank you. [Exits]
[Mr. Minder takes out a paper, reads it for ten minutes, and follows Ryan out]
Mr. Minder: There you go, Ryan. I stuck it on my credit card. All sorted.
Ryan: Thank you. Can we get ice-cream?