YOU'RE OLDER THAN YOU THINK: Walking into work this morning, I was listening to a randomy selected tape, which turned out to be the 1996 Festive Fifty. It's five years, then, since Bis' debut single Kandy Pop and Underworld did Born Slippy. The grave is calling, louder than you thought...

EXCITING THING: In the course of this page, you'll get a chance to see the words "one", "first" and "single" all in a row - marked with an asterisk. How cool is that?

SITE UPDATE: bothsidesnow, the briefs inside which this and sister blog conduct unbecoming swing, has just sprung online with a full new look for 2001, and a much expanded service. The first 22 entries in Village of the Band are now online, the gallery has been expanded and the links section has had a major overhaul. Along the way, there's pictures of Norman Cook - the bus, Sarah Record's farewell kiss and other delights and surprises.

GALLAGHER: NOW ITS A LOVE PENTAGRAM: Today's Mirror has a barely-concealed baps shot of Patsy Kensit on the front page with the headline "Look at what you're missing, Liam" - yes, but we recall that godawful Face photoshoot while they were still together - look at what you had, the pair of you. Anyway, Patsy's spilled her guts to Arena about what life was really like with Liam. Surprise, surprise, he was a slack-panted dickhead. The "bombshell" in the piece was Kensit - former pea commercial star - announcing that there's another Gallagher sprog about, child of Lisa Moorish. The kid had been credited to Justin Elastica on the label, thereby making that indie world even smaller yet. Moorish worked with Oasis on the War Child project, and is perhaps best known for her cover of Wham's I'm Your Man, a track which rocketed into the charts when George Michael popped up to offer backing vocals and Andrew Ridgeley didn't. For what little is known about Moorish - besides her frankly puzzling taste in men - visit the Ultimate Lost Bands List.

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS? : Want to really impress your date this Valentine's Day? How about not following Puff Daddy's lead. The be-docked one took time out from cultivating his image as more sinned against than sinning to arrange a treat for sweetheart Jennifer Lopez - a live seranade from Luther Vandross. Which raises the question - is that what these people really listen to when they're not working? And should Nicole Appleton be expecting a visit from Joe Longthorne sometime soon?

POP JOBWATCH: Sad news this week that the Afghan Whigs have decided to call it a day, but thats sort of balanced by reports that Soft Cell are being recharged. Also back from the dead, Gary Numan turned in his first Peel Session since 1980 on Wednesday, getting a muted but respectable response on the Peel egroup. Heading back to the dead are the rag-tag of Popstars rejects who look set to have their attempt to cash in on their five minutes of fame scuppered. Talking of ITV's dire dirgeosoap (why won't anyone admit this? Its like watching a tomato canning factory, only with self-obsessed tomatoes), the jostling to cash in is now well underway. Granada Media Group has been forced to drop its share of the dead cert number one first single* to save itself from falling foul of ITC rules on promotional tie-ins, but keeps a share of future earnings; The Sun got hold of the maligned Girl Thing doing their version of the band's first single, only to be told if they put it up on their website, the single of choice will be changed - just as InnerSpin got dumped when the name leaked out; but shrewedest cash-in so far goes to Bravo, who have mysteriously chosen to resurrect their Dolls House webcam voyeur site in the week when one of the PapSters was reported as having been a previous inhabitant. Sitting at home ruefully sucking a thoughtful tooth, meanwhile, will be Girl Thing, freshly dropped now that their svengalis has more fresh flesh to play with.

BILLIE FRIGHT LAW: Of course, there's nothing funny at all in the Billie court case. Nothing at all. Although you have to perhaps have a sly smile that Juliet Peter's beef with the pert and powdery one was that "she'd looked at her in a funny way." Apparently, Peters had threatened to leave Billie's head in the north of the country, and the body in a forest somewhere in the south. Hampshire Police refuse to confirm they had got sniffer dogs on standby.

MORE EMINEM: Well, Eminem's played one UK gig, and so far there doesn't seem to be an increase in bigotry in the country as a whole (we're using the popular measure of how strong the Tories look in the polls, multiplied by Paul "its not racist to call them niggers" Daniels' ticket sales). Its interesting watching Tatchell and his OutRage chums frothing about Eminem, while completely failing to raise a word at the press coverage of the story they've helped feed which has been, genuinely, homophobic. For example, The Star's coverage of the discovery that young Slim was booked into a hotel in Manchester's Gay Village was a classic example of 'Gay Man' = 'Anal rapist' propaganda, and more likely to raise an attitude of hatred than any number of Eminem tracks, even on the most selective of listens. Clearly, Tatchell and his crew can't tell the difference between an act and a political statement. Lets hope he never sees Romper Stomper, or that'll be Russell Crowe's visits to the UK blighted.
Meanwhile, Tonight with Trevor McDonald may have secured yet another interview with Ma Eminem, but it was Radio 4's Today who got the grandmother. "He can't even eat a small sandwich without a crowd forming" she said, providing a perfect summation of the madness of celebrity.
Guardian news coverage - Hmmm, an NUS representative talking about "how Manchester is proud of its diversity." How long have you lived there, then? Morrissey? A band changing its name from Joy Division to New Order? Shaun Ryder? Ian Brown?
It takes TWO Guardian journalists to cover a gig now, apparently - "repellent but compelling"
NME.com story - if you;re going to brag about having the first review, you might want to encourage your journos to file before the Guardian...
... or the Daily Telegraph - Victoria and David in the front row? Somehow, I dont think so...
OutRage diss Eminem:
"The Grammy and Brit Award judges are two-faced hypocrites. They would never give air-time, let alone an award nomination, to a singer who fantasised about the murder of black people" - lucky for Mick Jagger Brown Sugar stops at thumping and raping black slaves, then.
"If Eminem rapped about killing blacks, cutting their throats, suffocating them in the boot of a car and dumping their bodies in a river, he would be hounded out of the music industry. By nominating him for an award, the judges are signaling their toleration of misogyny and homophobia". Anyone get the impression OutRage have only (half) listened to Stan, by any chance?

SPONTANE TIME AGAIN: Richard Spontaneous, big eyed crouching leadster of Ricky Spontane has done a solo album, titled Richard the First, and there's going to be a tour too ending, inevitably at Liverpool Magnet. You'd probably enjoy them if you like Bis-y type things and ideas in pop, but to make sure visit their site and listen. Here.