No Rock And Roll Fun

POP PAPERS -15.05.02
welcome, jack, the new magazine from James Brown. how is it? erm, like the old Loaded Hedonist's handbook, actually. small like glamour, and not relying on holly vallance's tits (yet), its sort-of-okay. Apparently plans to go monthly in october, its review section manages four CDs. For the man who is in a hurry, then. Meanwhile, Bobby Gillespie describes September 11th as "spectacular." He really is drug addled beyond use, isn't he?...

nice to see the Daily Post making space for Mansun last Friday. We would have told you more about this, but, um, we lost the bit with it in. Still, North Wales' morning paper - its the big time this time, boys, innit?...

turning to the nme, then, they continue their recent strange habit of putting nme-type bands on the cover - this week its BRMC. Hurrah. I really wish they'd stop doing the fake stickers, though. They just look shite...

news: Prodigy banned for single about rohypnol - and the nme are saying "its likely to get to number one" - which is interesting, since it won't even be released until the middle of July. What sort of advance chart info *is* that, nme?; Liam Gallagher is going to record with the prodigy - doubtless they'll all be wolfing down the roiphies to forget that one the next day; meanwhile, nme is creaming itself about being able to print the first picture of the new oasis sleeve. It's a picture of an empty, meaningless road with the word "Stop" painted on it; so solid crew are currently working on 12 albums between them, but with good behaviour they might be releasing just four to six of them; 30,000 people turned out to Lisa Lopes' funeral - no smartarse remark here; suede played a gig to 100 people as a secret gig last week, but reckon if it hadn't have been a secret they could have expected half as many again; Mozzer has signed a deal in the states, which the nme seems to believe - no, genuinely - has something to do with the Smiths winning that Meaningless Poll a few weeks back; now the tickets have all gone, they've revealed the line-up for glastonbury, allowing people to realise they've paid £100 to see New Model Army, Rod Stewart, Jools Holland, Bush and Nelly Furtardo; R Kelly has taken the time to explain that his lawyers told him to settle those underage sex court cases because it wasn't worth his time fighting them in court - yeah, because making space in your schedule to refute claims you're a paedophile really eats into your leisure time, doesn't it? R, you've got shit lawyers, mate; the drummer who got kicked out of the Hives seems to think he's still in the band, though the band deny this - that's nothing, Pete Best still believes he's in the beatles and they've been split up for thirty years...

last week, the nme spent a half page reporting "some people think a spoof article was really written by peter buck." this week, they make space for a picture of Liam Gallagher coming out of health food shop...

on bands: sparta - another bit of the splinters from At the drive in and El-P. There are no words for El-P. Yes there are, actually. He looks like the sort of bloke who wonders which dumpster to get his supper from tonight, cause his momma done kicked him out for not being all smart like the other kids; his name is shit for at least a dozen reasons - not least the lame pun and the suggestion that he is actually Emmerson, Lake and Palmer; and he says "It's a dark album. But, yo, shit is dark." Please, someone, take him off our hands...

the Bellrays get a page. They're a "Ramonsey band sounds like MC5 with Tina Turner." Or rather, they say thats what everyone says about them...

Ms Dynamite's real name is Niomi Daley, which sounds more exotic than her real name. "Rome wasn't built in a day, but that's what I'm fucking going to try and do" she says, strangely...

Disappointingly, I'd love to bring you the highlights of the Von Bondies piece, but there isn't very much to chew on. They deserve better, really. Shame, Pat Long...

"We're all dark, fucked up to a degree. We all hide from ourselves, run away into whatever vices we need. But its not about that" - Robert, BRMC...

Tim Burgess chooses ten tracks for a CD - Prince, Gram parsons, James Brown, Wings. No Stone Roses, then, Tim?...

reviews section: lps: hundred reasons - ideas above our station ("here's what they can do - now its your turn", 8); golden boy - or ("collaborations with Miss Kittin stand out", 7); weezer - maladroit ("their bruises are beauties", 8); tweet - southern hummingbird ("agreeable, rarely thrilling", 6)...

singles - sotw is eminem - without me ("funniest and funkiest of the year" - oh, yeah?); wsotw is westlife - bop bop baby...

live - essential festival ("rock jollies are thin on the ground"); the kennedy soundtrack in nottingham ("limitless potential"); the hives in liverpool ("the best live band in the world today" - oh *yeah*?); von bondies in shepherd's bush ("garage punk exocet")...

and the most accurate comment of the week is in angst. Steve, from Durham, observes that Eminem is the rap Jordan.