Wednesday, April 24, 2002

CRAIG SHOES: Up to $61, but still the lowest bid on the site...

ENTERTAINMENT HMP: Clearly, the forthcoming culling of postal workers has made the demand for mail sacks dry up, as it appears guest of the Queen Jonathon King has found the time to post about the state of Eurovision. "This is the first time in nine years I've not been involved" wails King, implying that it means its going to be shite. So, no change there, then.
Hey, we don't come down to F-wing and take the licence plates out your hands, do we? - is a man who still won't admit guilt over Love City Groove ripe for release?

Tuesday, April 23, 2002

CRAIG DAVID'S SHOE UPDATE: We've just checked, and at the moment, Craig David's size 11s are at a paltry $31 dollars - even the chance to procure groupies for Nickelback has made it over $100 dollars. C'mon, people... they might be like Dead Shot Keene's footies in Billy's Boots, and wearing them will give you Craig David's enormous sexual powers...

YOU HAUL GEAR - YOU PAY THEM FOR THE "HONOUR": It's all for charity, of course, but we can't help wondering at some of the items on offer at Ebay Canada and the Canadian Music Therapy Trust Fund's Swag 2002 auction - for example, you can pay to be Nickelback's roadies - which, short of signing up for a holiday cleaning out U2's latrines seems to be the worst deal on offer anywhere to us. You can also get to shoot pool with Treble Charger (presumably a Canadian band, and as such, something you could probably do by wandering into an Ontario bar and putting twenty cents down on the table.) But there are some nice bits on offer - if you're that way inclined, there'll probably be Nelly Furtardo sweat on the wrist band, if not on the tshirt. And nice to see :Lenny Kravitz putting his guitar on sale - there's every chance he might have another one, but we can hope, can't we?
Catalogue of stuff up for grabs - you, too, could try walking a mile in Craig David's shoes

LUCINDA AT THE FILLMORE: Another dispatch from bsn's American lady at a gig, Becky Bamboo, who went to see Lucinda Williams play this weekend:
so then lucinda comes out, decked out in tight black leather pants, red/orange tank top, and black leather jacket, looking every inch the rock star. man, she's got the greatest voice. there's so much personality to it. the band was tight and rockin'. I didn't dig the guitar solos all that much, but then they've never really been my thing. if there's ever a singer who needed to be holding something while they're singing that's lucinda. without her guitar, she seemed a little lost. her hands kept moving into position as if she was forming chords. and lord, that woman CAN NOT dance to save her life. she's even worse than I am.
luckily she played during most of the songs. she played for a solid 2 hours (including encore). I'm not terribly familiar with her back catalogue so I can't tell you the ratio of old to new stuff, but it all sounded great and the audience was totally into it. one song - it was funny - they got about a minute into it when she stopped the band and apologized. she said that note she'd hit was awful and they were archiving the show so she wanted to start over. I don't remember seeing a band do that before. they closed the evening with a howlin' wolf song that showcased some more guitar solos. Sigh.

Lucinda Williams Village of the Band entry - when we say single shot, we mean it...

WE NAME THE SPAM BANDS. AGAIN AND AGAIN. Joining our parade of bands who - rather than letting their music speak for themselves - choose to follow a Pyramid Sales handbook are Uptown Sinclair. I don't think I've been on a single list where, sooner or later, someone posts a pretend note from a "fan" of the "check out Uptown Sinclair" nature. I don't know if they're shite, but the fact they seem to have been spamming the web since Tim Berners-Lee was in short trousers, and I've never heard their name mentioned outside of self-promotion nonesense, I'm guessing they are.
Also, say hello to Exit. Yesterday there was a flurry of spam about a Catatonia book, which we happily turned a blind eye to because it was for charity. Today, the same person has turned to plugging a group called Exit from Wales (Richey Manic used to use the Severn Bridge to make his exit from Wales, we understand). This claimed that they were getting a lot of attention. Not having heard of them, I asked (on the Glamour Twins list, though I had a choice) who from? There was a reply, which was vaguely reminiscent of Graham Lister's claims to know "architects and doctors" - viz. "virtually everyone who has seen them which includes established pop/rock artists and people who work in music in technical and management capacities." Not, you'll notice, managers, or indeed, any names. I wish Exit well, if only that they might start to take paid for adverts and not waste everyone's bandwidth.

THAT WAS LIQUID NEWS, AND THESE WERE TONIGHT'S HEADLINING STORIES: Sorry to hear of the death of Christopher Price, presenter of the only half-decent entertainment news programme in history, Liquid News.
Christopher's Profile - see? get the headline now?

Monday, April 22, 2002

OKAY, SCARED NOW: From the search terms used to find this page: 'Pictures of young girls bursting their virginity" - please, if you know what this means, don't tell me. It's lunchtime...

FIRST WITH THE NEWS: Nice to see the NME ticker still reporting that Moby wants fans for his video as a "Latest", despite the fact that the cassette is already in the bag...

PULP FICTION: What are we to make of the news that Eminem spent 100,000 quid having the entire print run of The Face mashed and reprinted because they'd re-tinted his shirt pink to avoid "clashing" with the masthead? Here are our thoughts - print 'em out on paper, cut them up, bake them inside small sweet biscuits and - voila - you have Chinese Fortune Cookies with added Eminem:

A man who is keen not to appear wearing pink must have some identity problems

A magazine which changes the colour of a persons shirt opens all its verity to question

The print run of the Face is incredibly tiny, isn't it?

A fashion magazine might have chosen to change the face on its cover to something a bit more fashionable than the year before last year's thing

It would be kindly of Jason Donovan to claim the rest of the cash and put them out of their misery

Maybe they can claim this has doubled their sales for the May edition

BUT EVERYWHERE HE IS IN CHAINS: Only a step up, perhaps, from having a brain the size of a planet and being asked to open and close doors, but the covers project is harnessing the power of computers to, um, produce the longest chain of cover versions it can. Little more than a timewasting pubquiz style thing, it does, of course, appeal greatly to us. If they can find a song the Cure covered, they'll be up to a 43-song chain.
Alice in Chains, in chains - intellectual purity of separating out Ciccone Youth and Sonic Youth reduces chances of success

AND THEN THEY'LL BE GOING AFTER ALICE IN CHAINS: Who knew? We'd heard that Aaliyah had been killed by many things - insistence on carrying shoes, a pilot whacked off his head on crack, the studio implementing the "doomsday PR option" clause in her contract for Queen of the Damned. But it turns out, it's the Federal Fraud Machine. Yes, yes, it is... they got too near the truth with the Matrix, and so they're going round rubbing out the cast to stop the sequels, which end with solid evidence that even David Icke is a shape-shifting reptile.
Only the IMDB knows the truth - Keanu survives only because the Federal Fraud Machine have plans for Bill & Ted - The Male Menopause Hits

Kudos to Need To Know

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN'S AWARD: I'm sure the thousands recently slewed off by EMI following its cock-up in over-paying for Mariah Carey will be delighted to hear that the company that last month told them "we can't afford you (although we have cash for Robbie Williams)" has, this month been given a Queen's Award for Exports. Amusingly, EMI boss Eric Nicholi has taken the opportunity to suggest that the music industry should "stop talking itself down." Well, while we agree with that - don't you get sick of all those objectives crying into their fruity cocktails at Cannes about how all the kids are stealing money they could better be spending on holiday villas and hookers - maybe a start would be for labels to stop laying off all their staff? It's hard to believe in an industry which is shedding bands like Brian Molko sheds hair...