Tuesday, September 16, 2003

ATTENTION, ATTENTION: YOGHURT EATING GRANDPA IS SEX KING OF THE BALKANS: Hey, it's easy to knock Mick Jagger, but, you know, we just don't know what it's like being a sex god, he wails:

"When you are said to be the fuck of the century it's a matter of course that every woman is disappointed after the first night with you. It is a fact that this adventure playground behind the zip of my trousers has myth status on the groupie scene."

Bless, his ears are obviously giving up on him - they said it's like fucking a centernarian, Mick, not that you're the fuck of the century. Nah, but seriously... who exactly has suggested that Mick might have been better than, say, Hendrix, or Prince, or even Jamie Redknapp? We're trying not to speculate that, if every single woman Mick has ever shagged has been disappointed, it might not be because of the reputation going before him, but maybe... just maybe... you're a bit shit, Mick?
Perhaps the myth that's spread amongst the groupies? Maybe that's why the council have put in an adventure playground which is, of course, a place that only represents adventure to someone who's rather green and has never actually had an adventure in their lives.

"A gentleman knows how to enjoy life's pleasures without talking about them. But if I go to a party and meet a woman and invite her to leave with me, there are usually pictures of me and her on the web before we have even finished doing the horizontal mambo in my hotel room. By the next morning the whole world knows what has happened."

Well, if you want to stop pictures appearing on the web before you've finished doing the (ugh) horizontal mambo, Mick, switch your bloody webcam off. Mind you, getting pictures up before you've finished is really going some - is there any FTP uploading software that's faster than Mick, we wonder? Even on broadband?

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