No Rock And Roll Fun

OSBORED: So, who's post-docusoap career is shown to be most on the skids by the Ozzy and Kelly to duet on Sharon's show story?

Kelly, whose musical career now relies totally on Daddy? (Yeah, Sanctuary signed her up for her album, but we suspect this has more to do with an interest in the Sabbath back catalogue than any real desire to inflict 'I'm Nearly Famous' or whatever it is on us).

Sharon, whose show is so pisspoor the only guests she can manage to drag on are her own family?

Jack, who manages to be shut out totally of the deal (we picture him stood at security waving maracas angrily saying "I am one of the family... no, really...")

Or Ozzy, who is now so much a performing bear we hear animal rights groups are getting up petitions to have him released back into the wild?

Meanwhile, Birmingham have refused to give Ozzy the freedom of the city of Birmingham, saying that he's just not a good role model. Added to which, he'd be almost certain to lose the keys to the city, and he wouldn't be able to operate the traffic lights.