GRAMMY GRUMPS: We were a bit surprised when the Grammy Awards turned up on British TV last night - we'd not been expecting them, and couldn't quite figure what the point was nearly a week after the awards had been announced. We were even more puzzled by the way E4 cut the show up - because they seem to have slimmed it down to ninety minutes by removing most of the actual awards themselves. Which might have made sense if what was left had been quality entertainment, but with dreadful sound; rotten, rotten camera positions (were the New Power Generation in a different room to Prince and Beyonce?) and Sting, the whole thing felt as if it had been filmed by an undercover operative using a camera hidden in a shoulder bag. Still, aaaaa-ttttt lll-eee-aaaaa-ssss-ttt-tttttt we got to see Christina, for some reason dressed as Charlie Chaplin, kneeling in some smoke over emoting every single fucking syllable of Beautiful; it was clear that this was what the song had been written for: to sing to a bunch of self-satisified executives over a drink or two in order for everyone to feel a little less like they're stinking, stinking hooves.