No Rock And Roll Fun

HE'S BACK! WHO? EXACTLY: A slightly over-excited email reaches us - "Remember One True Voice?" After much searching through the archives, we recall the band, comprising the only people ever to have appeared on ITV at Saturday teatime never to have had a number one single. "Well Matt johnson the 18 year old from Deeside is going solo and i cant wait!" It goes on to plug some sort of ecommunity for the one left standing from one true voice. The way things are going, he might even manage to scrape into the charts with his "debut" single, if only on the basis that some people are going to think he's the bloke from The The. Although it's clear that 1TV Matt is never going to sing about anything coming from his scrotum to your womb - an 18 year old with undescended testicles isn't going to want to draw attention to them.

We're sure he will make the charts, though, because anyone can these days. It was suggested to us that our sniffing at the Alarm/Poppyfields number 23 'hit' was because of residual dislike of Mike Peters, which is wrong on two counts: we love the Alarm, because they could have turned into U2 so easily but didn't; and secondly - we stand by what we say. Getting to 23 in the charts and saying "Ha ha! We have fooled you and got a top-selling record" at the moment is utterly, utterly meaningless. As if to prove our point, Yeovil Town Football Club have made it to 36 this week (although it'll probably turn out to be Manchester United under an assumed name trying to prove some sort of point); the first time in the twin histories of football and music that a third division team have managed to get their football song into the Top 40. Unless you count that awful Ian McCulloch/Spice Girls thing from a few years back.